“Uncle Elmer”

One of the members of The Far East Playboys was a stand-up comic named Elmer. We called him “Uncle Elmer”, which was his stage name.

Elmer was from the back-woods of South Carolina. The way he used the English language was quite hilarious to this yankee from Ohio. When he saw the picture in a magazine of a pretty “round-eyed” American girl, he would sometimes become overwhelmed. “Look at them dad-blamed ahhs! (eyes)”, he would exclaim. I will concede that those “ahhs” were quite different from the ones we usually saw in Korea.

One morning Elmer tried to open the door of our tent and could only open it part way. He peered out the small opening and exclaimed, “My Land”, over and over.

“What’s wrong?”, I asked. Elmer responded,

“MY LAND, I BELIEVE IT DONE COME ONE!”.

It had “done come one” alright. During the night four feet of snow had fallen preventing him from opening the door. It was quite a shock for a guy from southern U.S. who had never seen that much snow before.

Snow Storms

Besides doing stand-up comedy, Elmer was also a magician and slight-of hand expert. During the day in our tent he would be constantly honing his craft – juggling cigar boxes and tennis balls, doing slight-of-hand with cards, making golf balls disappear, and trying out his tricks on us. He could hold maybe 12 lit cigarettes in one hand and they would not be noticed by the audience because he was using that hand to point at something else. He could spit out a cigarette and immediately another one would magically pop into his mouth, already lit. He could hold a lit cigarette inside his mouth under his tongue for several minutes and pop it out later without getting burned.

He would wear some outlandish hillbilly clown costume to do his comic routine, then change into a tux and white jacket to do the magic act. He was then “Mandrake The Magician”. The band members were sitting behind him during his act so they could see how he did some of his tricks. When he bent forward, I could see golf balls on springs, rubber bands, scarves, and other paraphernalia hanging out from under his jacket.

Uncle Elmer

Sometimes a heckler would interrupt Uncle Elmer while he was doing his monologue. What happened next to that poor guy was worth the price of admission. By the time Uncle Elmer had finished working him over, that guy was wishing his sorry ass was somewhere else!

First Elmer would invite the heckler to stand. Then he would start taking him apart with statements such as:

“Well HELLO JOHN!

Do you know why I call him John?

Because every time he opens his mouth HE REMINDS ME OF ONE!”


“He’s just mad because his mother wanted a boy”.


“This guy was so ugly as a kid that his mother didn’t know which end to put the diaper on”.


“When he was born the doctor spanked his mother”.


“Of the 7 million sperm that were there when his daddy made him, it’s too bad that one swam the fastest”.


“When the doctor circumcised this guy HE THREW AWAY THE WRONG PIECE”


etc, etc. Of course the crowd would be roaring with laughter.

By the time Elmer was finished, the heckler would turn bright red and sink quietly into his seat.


Most all of the girls in Korea that I saw were rather flat-chested.

“I saw a Korean girl this morning and she didn’t have nary-a-damn titty”, Elmer would say in his finest back-woods southern drawl.

There was a rumor going around, however, about this Korean girl who was extremely well-endowed. The GI’s called her “Bam Bam”.

One night we were coming home from playing a show for the guys in the 17th up on the DMZ. We were riding in the back of our duce-and-a-half as usual. For some reason the truck had to stop near a village. We stayed on the truck, and as soon as we stopped several girls from the village gathered around the tail gate. One of them was the notorious Bam Bam. She was wearing a white cashmere sweater, and she definitely lived up to the rumors I had heard about her.

When Elmer spotted Bam Bam, he said to her, “Meeda meeda one time (let me see)”. Bam Bam pulled the fuzzy white sweater up around her neck. There was a sudden rush of troops toward the tail gate. Then several hands went over the edge of the gate to “check out the goodies!” It was all over in a second or two because the truck started moving again.

Smitty, our driver

Elmer rotated back to the States several months before I did. Later we had other comedians, but none were as colorful as Uncle Elmer.

Elmer training his replacement

 

Uncle Elmer is going home!

Korea 3

Surprisingly the army food at Camp Casey in Korea was much better than at Fort Knox. American army cooks made the meals with Koreans helping and taking care of the KP.

When we were in the field our food was often C-rations. Although packed 10 years earlier for WWII many of these were surprisingly tasty. There were cans of pork-and-beans, spaghetti, hamburger patties, macaroni and cheese, candy bar, chocolate disk to make cocoa drink, along with a can of sterno canned heat that would act as a small stove. Also in each box was a P38 folding can opener, matches, a pack of 6 lucky strike cigarettes, small pack of toilet paper – all the comforts of home!

C-rations

P-38 folding can-opener

The meals served on holidays were especially good. On Thanksgiving we had the whole spread including turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. Each soldier was also given one glass of wine. I figured there were no seconds because the army didn’t want to encourage drinking among the troops. I found out the real truth later that evening.

The cooks at Camp Casey were avid country music fans, and they were also avid booze hounds! After our Thanksgiving meal they invited the band members to their tent for a private holiday party. There in the corner were cases of wine stacked up to the roof. The cooks had “liberated” this from the holiday meal for themselves and their friends! That’s why there were no seconds.


It was a challenge to communicate with the natives since most of them didn’t speak English and we didn’t speak Korean. Many Koreans, however, spoke Japanese since the Japanese had previously occupied Korea. To enable communication a form of pidgin-english evolved that was a mixture of English, Japanese, and Korean.

Here is a very abridged version of the pidgin-english dictionary used by the GIs in Korea:

Moose (from Japanese musume ) – girl or girl friend.

Mamma-san – Older lady or madam in prostitution house.

Cherry girl – Young girl or virgin.

Sucahachie – Literally a Japanese flute ( Use your imagination to figure out what it meant in pidgin).

Number 1 (from ichiban) – very good.

Number 10 -Very bad.

Hoochie – house, tent, residence.

Sayanara – Goodbye, kill, take out garbage, throw away, etc.

Slicky boy – pick pocket.

Short time – “Quickie” with a girl.

Skoshi – small, little.

Takusan – big, large.

Takusan stinko – drunk.

Ediwa – Come here.

Ediwa shoes – White rubber moccasins worn by most Koreans.

Meeda meeda one time – Let me see, look at this.

Cutta-chogie – Get-the-hell-out.

Hava-yes, Hava-eeso – I have some.

Hava-no, Hava-uupso – I don’t have any.

Yak juice – Cheap Korean Liquor (It was like drinking razor blades!)

Our house boy, Kim, liked me and wanted to tell me that I was number 1” (good). The Koreans had trouble saying an “R” or an “F” ,so they had real trouble pronouncing a name like “Roliff”. They would substitute “N” for “R” and ”P” for “F”, so my name would come out “Nolipp”. In order to express his approval of me Kim would say,

“Nolipp, you number PUCKING ONE!”.

One day a dog wandered into our tent. Kim chased him out with a broom yelling ,

“CUTTA EESEEKIAH” .

I asked him what that meant. He said,

“It mean GET-OUT-OF-HERE-SON-OF-A BITCHEE”.

For Christmas someone sent me a baby stocking to hang as a holiday decoration. The houseboy saw this one stocking hanging and he asked me,

Other one hava-no?

He couldn’t understand why I had only one stocking.

Kim, our houseboy

Cigarettes and soap were a rarity to the natives and were therefore quite valuable as a form of barter. The houseboys often gave us money to buy these items for them from the PX which they could then trade in the Korean market.

When we went to Japan the houseboys would ask us to bring back Ajinomoto. It came in a red tin box. I didn’t know until years later that it was mono-sodium glutamate (MSG) and was valued by Koreans as a food preservative and flavor enhancer.

Other items of value were GI wool blankets. Almost all mamma-sans wore pants made from these.

Mama-san wearing GI blanket pants and “ediwa shoes”

Often in the Korean markets we would see bottles of expensive whiskey such as Seagram’s VO. Even though these had all the proper tax stamps, labels, and perfectly intact seals, it was not a wise purchase. They always contained “yak juice”. I never figured out how they refilled those bottles without breaking the seals.

Korean Market

Officially we were not permitted to go to the villages or mingle with the natives, but the rule was not strongly enforced. I know of several beds in our tent that had hardly ever been slept in because the occupant had a “moose” in the village.

“Doris Day”

“Jane Fonda”

We were not allowed to have U.S. dollars in Korea. The only U.S. coins we had were pennies. Instead we were issued Military Payment Certificates (MPC). Every few months the Army would give us notice that as of tomorrow all MPC previously issued would have no value and to exchange old MPC for new immediately. It had something to do with the Korean black market. I only know that it did a real number on Koreans that did business with GIs, because when this happened we would see mamma-sans crying at our gate with large rolls of valueless obsolete bills begging some GI to exchange it.

MPC – nickels and dimes – The largest bill I saw was $100. Unfortunately it wasn’t mine

The Far East Playboys never had more than 8 members, so we shared our tent with another group, The Jazz Combo. Many of these guys were extremely talented, had played and sang for big name bands in the States, and had much knowledge of music theory which they willingly shared. I enjoyed hearing their stories and picking their brains.

Our tent mates from The Jazz Band

Benny Grant from The Jazz Band

Our band also had stars from the past. One in particular I know of was Faron Young, who had several country hits in the early 50’s and also starred in some western movies.

Faron Young was once a member of The Far East Playboys

This was 1955 and we were pretty much cut off from what was going on in the States when it came to the latest fads and styles. We had never heard of Elvis, so when guys would come in fresh from the States and try out for the band shivering and swiveling a-la Elvis, we thought they were having some kind of a spasm. It took us awhile to get used to this kind of music.

During this time a country singer named Webb Pierce became popular. His steel player, Bud Issacs, had a very unique sound. No matter what I tried I could not re-produce it. I tried using bar-slants, tuned the guitar backwards, and everything I could think of but I just couldn’t get the same effect.

One day a show that included an Air Force country band from the Philippines performed for our outfit. The steel player was producing the sound that had me mystified. After the show I went up and inspected his guitar. I immediately saw what was going on. He was using a pedal to change the tuning on the fly by stretching the strings! This was the first “pedal steel” I had ever seen. Later with the help of my buddy Jim and some scrap metal and commo wire, we installed two pedals on my guitar. Now I could sound like the modern country players.

Teisco 8-string lap steel which I purchased in Tokyo for $26. I put it on a stand, modified the pickups, and added 2 pedals.


I left Korea for the States on New-Years day, 1957. My buddy Glenn, a guitar player and vocalist with our band, came with me. We walked up the gang plank carrying our duffel bags along with our guitars. Soon after boarding the ship I heard this on the ship’s speakers:

“WOULD THOSE TWO SOLDIERS WHO BOARDED THE SHIP CARRYING GUITARS REPORT TO THE ORDERLY ROOM IMMEDIATELY”.

Now what, I thought, assuming we were in for some kind of punishment. Instead, they wanted us to entertain the officers wives who were being sent home from Japan! The way Glenn and I lived on the trip home was completely different from the way we did on the way over. We were treated as celebrities, and spent our days in the officers quarters eating real food from real plates and white table cloths surrounded by beautiful women. We played music for the ladies on afternoons and evenings. One evening we played a two-man show for the whole ship with a Navy crew member as the MC. The next day they re-played the recorded show on the ship’s PA. The only time we were in the hold with the troops was to sleep in our hammocks.


As of 2017 Camp Casey is still active and occupied by U.S. soldiers. The troops no longer live in tents, but in modern buildings with TVs and high speed internet in each soldier’s room.

Camp Casey 2017

The city of Seoul has changed also, as shown by the following pictures:

Downtown Seoul c.1955

Downtown Seoul c.2017

Thirty years after I served in Camp Casey, my son Neil was also stationed there. It is possible that I could have a grandchild stationed there also. It is interesting to note that after more than 3 generations, troops of the American Army still occupy South Korea.

More Pictures HERE

Korea2

I finally made it to 7th division Special Services where the musical groups were located. This was in “Camp Casey” close to the Korean village of TungDuChon, about 40 miles north of Seoul. Within this compound were several different services of the 7th division, including headquarters, 7th med(a MASH company), 32nd Infantry, 7th REPL-depot, 7th division band, Red Cross, and other support groups. I was assigned to a small all-soldier combo called “The Far East Playboys”, a name borrowed from “The Texas Playboys” which was a popular western swing band at the time.

We lived in a tent that had a wood platform floor and could hold 20 people.

My new home in Camp Casey

Inside our tent were double-deck bunks and two pot-bellied heaters that ran on fuel oil. These heaters each had a stovepipe that ran through the tent roof and a heat control with numbers 1-10. We could lift the knob and turn it up past the inscribed numbers to about a 12 or 13 – we called this “Chinese overdrive”. On Chinese overdrive the stove and 3 or 4 feet of the stovepipe would turn completely red. Although risky, we did that when the outside temperature went below -15°.

Inside our tent showing the liner and fuel oil heater

The tent was normally quite comfortable. Occasionally at night when everyone was asleep and the weather was cold, the wind caused the heater to be disconnected from the stovepipe. The tent would then fill with smoke and the soot would hang in festoons from the inside of the roof. You could tell at reveille which tent had this problem because the occupants  would emerge completely black, except for their eyeballs.

We had a Korean in the camp that painted signs and did some minor art work. In exchange for painting a picture for our tent door we gave him an old table radio that didn’t work.

Our new door

The painting was much more appealing at first, then some Red Cross girl who visited the camp got a “case of the asses” and convinced our commanding officer that our girl should be wearing  clothes. I guess the RC girl just couldn’t stand up to the competition! So we returned the painting to the artist who added clothes (almost).

Helicopter landing at 7th Div HQ

This place was somewhat more civilized than the 49th field artillery where I was previously stationed. We had Korean “houseboys” who did our laundry and other chores. There were even Red Cross girls and service club girls from the States with ROUND EYES!

Kim, our houseboy

Houseboys doing laundry

No matter what job a person had he was expected to go on field maneuvers one week per month. In the field I was no longer an artillery fire-direction man, no longer a musician, but an infantry soldier. That was OK with me as long as we were not fighting and I could play music the other 3 weeks.

It turned out that the band had been depleted by members who had served their time and rotated back to the States. Upon my arrival it had no vocalist and only 3 members: Curley, a bass and accordion player, Peewee, a fiddle player, and Elmer, a comedian-magician. They had ceased putting on shows due to lack of members. When I arrived we started doing service club gigs with me as a singer – guitar player.

I finally found a 6-string lap steel at a service club. It didn’t have any strings but I scrounged some from another service club along with an amp. I then concentrated on playing the steel, and used every available hour  working on that instrument.

Would you buy a used car from this guy?

We put on 4 or 5 shows per week traveling to the different units. After a week or so we would take a day to work up a new show and then make the rounds again.

We traveled to the different Army posts riding in the back of a duce-and-a-half truck that was open in the back. I would always carry my amp on my lap to prevent the glass vacuum tubes from shattering due to the rough roads. The trips were up to 50 miles each way and the roads were not paved, so we usually arrived at our destination looking like dust-bunnies. We often returned to our camp after 3AM.

On this road at night I would sit with my feet over the tailgate ready to jump!

We were constantly checking the new arrivals for musicians. After a month or so of searching for talent we finally put a good band together. We were provided with colorful outfits to wear on stage. The Army also hired a civilian producer from the states to work with us. He didn’t know much about music but he was a theater type and knew how to make us into a first class show band.

Far East Playboys

We sometimes traveled to Japan. We rode in one of these.

C-124 Globemaster

One disadvantage of being at Camp Casey was that there were many new gung-ho officers walking around with nothing to do but harass the underlings. Consequently the Army “chicken$h]+” was worse than it had been at 49th Field Artillery. Many of these guys thought that since we were entertainers we were a bunch of goofoffs trying to get out of work, so they harassed us when they had a chance. Here is an example – even though we often got to bed later than 4AM after putting on a show at some distant outfit, some of these officers had us falling out at 6AM to stand reveille. We could then go back and try to get some sleep except that many times some hard-ass captain or major would come barreling through the tent, get us up and ask why the hell our lazy asses were still in the sack. Our immediate superiors would eventually get this straightened out, only to have a change in personnel cause this process to repeat itself.

In spite of this, It was much better to be stationed here than in most other places in Korea.