Last week I had a 7AM dental appointment. Just as I was getting ready to leave I was bothered by a tickle in my nose. The nose hairs had become too long and were tickling my nostrils every time I took a breath. No problem – I have this battery-powered rotary trimmer gizmo that will trim nose hairs and keep them under control.
So I placed the trimmer in the left nostril and fired ‘er up. It immediately grabbed onto a bunch of hairs and stalled. No matter what I did I could not get the damn thing restarted.
So there I was with this thing hanging out of my nose, holding on by the hair, and me being almost late. I didn’t want to show up for my appointment looking like some refugee from the Star Wars bar with this extra appendage hanging from my nose, so I wiggled, tore, shed some tears and cajoled the device into letting go of my nose fuzz, barely making the appointment in time.
It appears that every time I think I am “king of the hill” something humbling like this happens to bring me back down to earth.
Brother Mark tells a similar story. He and his wife Jody were performing at a folk music dance. One of the performers was a man with a big bushy mustache who was playing a chromatic harmonica. For those who never saw this type of harmonica, it has a sliding mouthpiece with a button on the side that allows the player to access the sharps and flats. The man was going to town on “Turkey in the Straw” when his mustache got caught in the slide.
So there he stood with the harmonica hanging from his face just like I was with the nose hair thing. But this was even worse – It happened to a performer in front of a crowd. It took several minutes of painful tear – producing pulls and jerks to get the thing off of his face. Mark said that the guy was in pain and shame for the remainder of the evening.
I recall a similar incident that happened many years ago when Mark was about 3 years old. He and his cousin Jim had just been given a bath and were running around the house naked. They were playing with one of those toy frogs with a mouse-trap like spring that was set by pressing it into some tar-like substance on the bottom. When set this caused the frog to jump at an unpredictable time. On one occasion the frog jumped up, grabbed Jim by his thingy, and hung on for dear life. Much weeping, wailing, and caterwauling followed as the offending amphibian was removed.
The frog was banned from further jumping unless the spectators were wearing clothes.
Speaking of nose-hair, I was watching the evening news last week when they presented the latest fashion fad – nose lashes! The girls are taking false eyelashes, rolling them around a pencil, and fastening them in their noses! I kid you not!
Holy Nose Fuzz Batman! I think I’ve lived too long!
Nose Lashes – Did you ever have a nose wink at you?