Igor

I never cease to marvel at the human brain – how some memory from the past suddenly comes to the surface. Where is this stuff stored – and what causes it to re-appear? One cannot purposely cause these things to show up, so how does this happen?

One  of these memories came back to me concerning an event that occurred while I was teaching at Ravenna High School.

I had a small office just to the left of the regular classroom/lab. It was at an angle to the main room and the students could not see in while seated at their desks, so I seldom closed the door. I informed  them that I had an assistant in there whose name was Igor, and he was  large, ugly, and rather violent. During my lectures I would sometimes look over to my left at the open office door and pretend to converse with Igor, asking his opinion concerning one of my statements, or what he thought of some answer or comment from a student.The students played along and we had fun with it. 

As a result Igor became quite a famous celebrity throughout the science department.

Those of you who are familiar with the Frankenstein movies will remember that Dr. Frankenstein had an assistant called Igor. He was large, ugly, and talked with a growl because his neck had been previously broken by a botched hanging. This didn’t kill him but broke his neck, which grew back crooked. It also affected his voice, his gait, and mangled him into a grotesque-looking monster. 

IGOR from “Frankenstein”

So I borrowed Igor as my virtual lab assistant.

Each year on Halloween the school had  “dress-up day”. A student could wear a costume to class if the classroom teacher would permit. I was OK with it and the students had some fun, but needless to say not much serious learning occurred on that day. 

Curt, one of my students, informed me that he had a gorilla suit and asked me if it was OK to wear it to class on dress-up day. This gave me an idea. I asked Curt if he would like to be Igor. If so, he could put on his gorilla suit, hide in the small office before the other students arrived, and I would call him out at an appropriate time. He liked the idea and agreed to do this.

The class showed up on Halloween with students dressed as witches, goblins, ghosts and various other costumes. The place looked like the Star Wars bar – I didn’t know whether to laugh or go home.

One guy was dressed as a cowboy and was continually playing with his guns. I became annoyed and scolded him. He would quit for awhile, but then resume twirling his guns and practicing his “quickdraw”.

I looked over toward the open door of my  office where Curt was hiding and said, ”Igor, come out here and take care of this guy”.

Out stumbled Curt in his gorilla suit, roaring loudly. He chased the startled “cowboy“ around the classroom, out the door, and up and down the hallway. The other students roared with laughter!

As I stated previously, not much learning occurred on dress-up day, but now Igor was famous around the entire school.

Electric Car – Features and Problems

I will concentrate my remarks on Tesla since I own one and am familiar with it.

I find  the Tesla to be somewhat like an Apple product in that it is simple in appearance and its many features are often well-hidden. This gives the product an elegant and non-cluttered look but sometimes tries the patience of the user who doesn’t know a feature exists or how it operates because it doesn’t show. A quick way to find what is available is to search “Tesla” on  uTube. Chances are that someone has posted something about each feature and it will be explained there in great detail.

Most modern cars are controlled by a myriad of small dedicated computers (chips) built by different companies. Each one does a special task like controlling the brakes or the air-gas mixture, but for the most part they use separate software or firmware and are not compatible – which means that they can’t talk to each other. The difference with a Tesla is that one big computer with one big piece of software controls everything, and this software can be updated over wifi while the car sits in your garage. This takes care of many (or most) problems without having to take the car in for repair or recall.

After 4 years my Tesla has never been in a repair shop or service center. A software update becomes available almost every 2 or 3 weeks ( It always asks for permission before installing). Sometimes new features are added, others are mainly minor bug fixes. Because of these updates the car now is tighter, more responsive, and has more features and less glitches than when first purchased.

I recall one instance where the little thingys that read the air pressure in the tires quit working. I emailed the service center and asked for an appointment to come in and have them replaced. They looked at the problem remotely, then told me that there was nothing wrong with the hardware and they could fix the problem with a software update, which they did.

No trip to the shop – no charge!

The car is surrounded with cameras – at least eight. They show the cars and other objects around it and either put a video or a graphic on the dashboard screen. Different cameras turn on at different times depending on the circumstances. For example, engaging the left turn signal enables the cameras on the left side of the car to show a video of the left lane on the dash which allows the driver to see if the lane is clear.

One feature I really like is called “Sentry Mode“. When the car is left in the parking lot and motion is detected the cameras take a video of the surrounding area and store it on a thumb drive. This can be played back on the car’s dashboard screen. The feature also engages if one is unfortunate enough to have an accident.

So if someone runs into my car or keys it, they had better be smiling because they _will_ be on Candid Camera!

Some of the controls are software buttons on the dash screen. These can be somewhat difficult to locate and use while driving because you can’t feel them and need to be looking at them and away from the road. However most of the settings need to be made only once and can be done beforehand.

Also, almost all actions can be carried out with a voice command using everyday English. For example, click the right scroll button on the steering wheel and say:

“ Open glove box” , or
“Turn on front defroster” , “Turn on backup camera”, “turn on AC”,   or

“Increase heat” ,   “Set cabin temperature to 65 degrees”,

“Check tire pressure” , “Turn on driver’s seat heater”,   or even,

“My ass is cold”.

For music while driving say:

“Play ‘When will I be loved’ by Linda Ronstadt”, or

“Play ‘Beethoven’s 7th Symphony’ “, or

“Play ‘Up Against The Wall Redneck Mothers’ by Jerry Jeff Walker” ,

or whatever – the system will usually find it out there somewhere.

The voice translator is quite accurate and it is pretty difficult to give a reasonable command that is not understood. If it is not, the dash tablet will so state.

Several months ago I was at a family get- together and two of my grandsons used my Tesla to run some errands. I gave them an RFID card to use as
ignition key and kept my iPhone. I was surprised to see the location of the car, including street names, numbers, and speed continually showing up on the phone. I could use the phone control to flash the lights, open windows, open trunk, and blow the horn (I didn’t!). I don’t know if I could have shut it down, but I’m thinking this feature may make it more difficult for a thief to steal my car and get away. It may also scare the bejesus out of him if the horn started blowing or the windows suddenly opened.

One feature that I find most valuable is called “Autopilot” (I prefer to call it “Autosteer”). It will steer the car and keep it in it’s lane on the freeway and also keep it a set distance from the car in front. It requires the driver’s hand continuously applies  some resistance to the steering wheel. Using this app for freeway driving allows me to arrive at my destination much more rested than usual.

This feature is somewhat controversial – the reason appears to be because it is not really fully automatic as the name might imply. It is only for use on freeways and will blow through stop signs, red lights, and past the intended exit as will any cruise control, thus the driver needs to stay awake. Pressure on the steering wheel is required at all times as a check on the driver’s alertness. The controversy over the feature is further heightened by the fact that  some “geniuses” try to defeat the safety feature by hanging bricks etc. on the steering wheel, and then hopping into the back seat! I think these guys are good candidates for the “Darwin Award”.

I have heard that some models are now using the inside camera to make sure the driver is awake and his eyes are open. The “geniuses” will probably try to defeat this by painting eyeballs on their eyelids.

If you really want to kill yourself, this car will let you do it.

There are tons of other features, some of varied and questionable usefulness such as those in a folder called “The Toy-box”. There one will find computer games to entertain a person or family while charging-or any time the car is not moving, auto race games that use the car’s steering wheel and pedals to drive the race cars, “Dog Mode” to keep your pet cool while you are shopping, a PA system to use for annoying the neighbors …and…

“Emission Control”, an app that will cause a selected  seat to fart in order to embarrass an unsuspecting passenger, with…ahh……5 different tones!  (I’ll bet some young programmer really had a ball with this one!)

– the list keeps growing.

Many people will find these apps useful, fascinating, fun, and “State of the Art”. Others, stupid and a waste of time and money.

But nobody will find them boring!

 

 

 

Buying a Tesla

The  Toyota Prius I had been driving for 10 years was  well designed, roomy, fun to drive, and economical to run, but I decided I needed an upgrade. I offered it to my son who was driving a 2001 Mazda with 250000 miles and  mainly held together with baling wire and duct tape. He was more than happy to take the Prius, so I put on a new set of tires, new brakes, oil change, and arranged to pass it on to him.

Now to find a replacement. I first looked into plug-in hybrids which were starting to be pushed by the dealers. These were hybrid cars that could be plugged into the grid, charged at night and driven 50 miles or so exclusively on electricity before the batteries ran down and the computer would start the gas engine and the car ran in hybrid mode. I reasoned that If you drove less than 50 miles per day you would never need to buy gas. There were several attractive models available from the big car manufacturers.

Now my thinking took a turn: If I am going to go this route why do I need two complete separate parallel systems, gas and electric, with all of those extra parts, when one system alone will do the job? The more I thought about it, the less sense it made.

I decided to go purely electric, which was the more efficient and cleaner of the two systems. However it was also newer technology, less tested, less range, and somewhat more expensive. I would also not have the choices or support offered by the traditional car companies since they were just barely starting to move on this technology, and if I wanted to buy an electric car  and have it delivered in my lifetime I had basically one choice – Tesla.

It was August of 2019 when I decided to place my order, so I logged onto Tesla.com. The website showed 3 different models available: the Model S – a luxury sedan, the Model X – a luxury SUV with gull wing rear doors, and the Model 3 sport sedan. There was also a Model Y on the drawing board – an SUV that looked attractive but wouldn’t be ready for at least another year.

I picked the Model 3 as I was sure it would be more than adequate for my needs. For this model there was a choice of 5 colors, regular or long-range, rear wheel or all wheel drive, several different wheel configurations, black or white interior colors, with standard model, performance package, and full self driving software.

After driving the standard model at Eastlake and since I normally don’t drag race I didn’t think I needed any further performance enhancements. The self-driving software was mostly undeveloped vaporware and added $8000 to the cost so I decided I didn’t need it and could add it later if I changed my mind. (It now costs $15000!). Besides, I just couldn’t see myself feeling comfortable playing games or having dinner while my car was tooling down the freeway at 75mph with me in it. The self-driving package included a feature that would allow you to use an iPhone to “summon” your car from its parking spot and pick you up at the door. I’m sure that would impress my buddies at the Fitworks gym, but then I thought I could find other less expensive ways of showing off. Also it may not impress the police to see a car roaming around the parking lot with no apparent driver.

I ended up ordering the Model 3, midnight silver metallic (fancy name for dark grey), long range, dual motor all wheel drive, with black interior and 18 inch aero wheels. I was not asking for a loan and didn’t have a trade-in so I ponied up the $200 and pushed the “buy” button.

I was informed that my Tesla would arrive in 6 to 8 weeks. No strain, no pain!

Now I had time to prepare a charging station in my garage. I installed a 240 volt 50amp breaker in the service box, ran the appropriate conduit and wiring to a place that would reach the parked car, and installed a 14-50 socket that would fit the car’s charging cable. Goodbye smelly gas stations!

This setup would charge the car at a rate of 30 mph. Thus over night I could load up 300 plus miles of juice – almost the limit of the car’s capacity, and have a “full tank” every morning. If I didn’t have 240v available I could charge the car from a regular outlet but it would only charge at a rate of 3 or 4 mph.

The present (2023) Tesla Superchargers out on the road  will do the same thing in one half hour or less. It’s not as fast as filling a gas tank but getting faster every day.

Two weeks later I received a text from Tesla stating that my car was at Eastlake and to come and pick it up – and by the way, be sure to bring your iPhone and the remainder of the money.

The lady at Eastlake Tesla gave me a half hour of instruction, paired my iPhone with the car’s bluetooth so it could be used as an ignition and door key, and installed the Tesla app on my iPhone that allowed it to control several features of the car.

There were also two credit card-sized RFID cards to use in case the phone became lost or discharged.

I had read wild tales about poor fitting doors, extra wide gaps, bad paint jobs, wrinkled upholstery, etc. due to Tesla being new to the car building business, their robots not yet precisely adjusted and their workers not well trained. After giving the car a thorough inspection I saw none of these problems so I signed off and was soon on my way home with my new toy.

                My Tesla Model 3

(Notice the orange spot below the headlight which is probably a radar camera)

 

Next: Electric Car – Features and Problems.

 

Electric Cars

In the early 1900’s, well-to-do elderly ladies drove around American cities in small cars powered with electric motors and batteries.These cars were slow and expensive, and since electricity was not yet available in many places they were not always easy to charge. However they were clean, didn’t smell of gasoline or exhaust fumes, and didn’t backfire or make a lot of noise as did the gas powered cars of the time. Also, they didn’t need to be cranked to be started (starters had not yet been invented) and were very simple to operate since they didn’t need to be shifted.

.                                                Electric Car  circa. 1910

The electric car was waiting for new technology to be developed that would make it practical and affordable to the modern driver. Before that could happen however, Henry Ford and others made gasoline automobiles and their supporting infrastructure so well-established, inexpensive, dependable, and easy to use that hardly anyone could imagine any other way of doing it.

There has been much talk the last few years about pollution, climate change and how we could benefit by getting rid of gas-burning cars. Cities such as Los Angeles are very prone to air pollution. Other places like Cairo, Bangkok, and Beijing,  that not long ago used bicycles as their primary means of transportation, now have swarm after swarm of petrol-powered cars resulting in clouds of life-threatening choking smog.

Sometime around 1990 I read an article in Popular Science magazine about   General Motors engineers who were working on a project to build a car that ran on electricity, could be manufactured economically, and be attractive to consumers. I was looking forward to seeing the commercial result of this project and perhaps riding in it, but after several years of waiting I never heard about it again, and I often wondered what had happened.

Later I watched a  documentary on Netflix called “ Who Killed The Electric Car “, and there I found what could be a partial answer. According to this video, General Motors had designed an electric 2-passenger coupe that was powered by electric motors and had a range of about 100 miles. They called it the EV1. In 1995 GM built 800 of these and leased them out to various people in California and Arizona for testing. 

 The video claimed that after several years GM took back all of the cars with no explanation and ran them through a crusher. Many of the testers liked the car and wanted to buy one, but GM would not sell. 

There was no further mention of the EV1.

.                                                                     GM EV1

It was not clear why the GM people  changed their minds. They had spent a considerable amount of time and money on this effort. The company never gave a reason for abandoning the project, but there were many theories. Some  thought the idea was torpedoed by the oil companies or dealerships who would lose repair business. Others suggested that the car was just too far ahead of the technology available and could not be produced or supported profitably. Still others believed that  customer demand was not there due to  the short range and lack of charging facilities, and people were just not interested  in electric cars since their gas cars were working so well.

However there were some entrepreneurs in California who were very interested. 

One of these groups founded Tesla Motors Company in 2001. Their first product was  a sports roadster,  and later a luxury sedan. 

Several years ago while  my daughter and I were walking around Easton Town Center in Columbus, OH, we noticed that a Tesla store had recently opened there, so we went in and checked it out. They didn’t have cars as yet – only pictures and models of a thing called a  “skateboard”on display. This was a chassis with no body – only motors and a flat platform to hold the batteries. I thought, “Oh boy, here we go again, another EV1”. 

.                                                          “SkateBoard”

I was very wrong. After many failures, setbacks, and near bankruptcies,  Tesla Motors has since become  one of the leading electric car manufacturers in the world.

A few years later a Tesla store opened in Eastlake about 40 miles from my residence. They had three actual Tesla cars on display – a Model S luxury sedan, a Model X SUV with gull-wing doors, and a Model 3 sport sedan. A person could actually touch one, sit in one, and perhaps even try it out!

 I picked up Byron, a friend and fellow tech enthusiast, and drove to Eastlake to examine this new phenomenon. We talked with Scott, a Tesla employee, and expressed interest in the Model 3.  He showed us the features of this model and popped the hood  as any good car salesman would do. We expected to see an engine but there was only empty space. He called it the ‘frunk”, and pointed out that  you could haul groceries or luggage there. There was no radiator, water pump, spark plugs, valves, push-rods,  rocker arms, exhaust system, transmission, carburetor, gas tank, fuel filters, oil, antifreeze – anything associated with a gasoline engine. No oil gauges, tachometer, knobs, or sliders on the dashboard – only a 15 inch iPad.

Scott then showed us how to check the fluid levels. Instead of the expected oil, water, antifreeze, transmission oil, etc, there was only windshield washer fluid.

This was way too simple to work well, we thought, there’s nothing in this thing!

We asked to do a test drive. I slid behind the wheel with Scott as co-pilot and Byron in the back seat.

The very first thing I noticed after putting it in drive is that nothing happened – no noise, jerk, drift or creep – nothing.  Oh, I thought , I need to turn it on – but it was on. I pressed the accelerator (I almost said gas pedal!). The car immediately came to life and accelerated smoothly. There was no hesitation or delay as is normal for a gas car,  none – only instant reaction.  I let up on the pedal and the car slowed down, stopped, and went dead again. “This is ‘one pedal driving’”, Scott pointed out. “You very seldom need to use the brake pedal. When you let up on the accelerator the motor turns into a generator, provides braking, and returns power to the battery”, and then turns off.

 Good – less wear on the brakes – and conserves electricity. This feature is impressive but does requires some practice to avoid a jerky ride.

We proceeded  to the on-ramp of I-480. Scott invited me to “punch it”. I stomped the pedal  and the car took off like a rocket! We were doing over 80mph before we reached the end of the on-ramp. 

 I heard a “HOLY SHIT”come from the back seat  as Byron expressed his surprise and amazement. This was not your grandma’s electric car!

After several more questions I knew I had to have one, so I asked Scott how I could buy it, expecting the usual scene of  bartering, threatening, carrying “earnest money” back and forth to the boss, etc, etc.

Scott told me that they did not sell the cars but that I needed to  log onto Tesla.com, select the wanted features, order the car, approve the amount, and make a $200 refundable down payment and I would be notified when my Tesla arrived. It would  either come to Eastlake or would be delivered  to my door, and after examining it thoroughly I could either accept or reject it.

Wow! This was a different car-buying routine than I had ever experienced  from any car dealer. I decided to take the plunge. 

More to follow.

Pandemic

At the time of this writing, April, 2020, the world has been invaded by a virus, COVID-19. Except for obtaining essentials such as groceries, we are sequestered to our houses.

This virus was first discovered in China and thought to have mutated from a virus infecting bats. Now at a stage where it can infect and spread rapidly among humans, it causes flu-like symptoms, sometimes violent, sometimes death. It is too early to tell just how serious this thing is, but the outlook is not encouraging. 

Because of the past history of these types of pandemics, people are quite scared and doing irrational things, such as panic-buying of food and other products. It is not unusual to go into a store and be faced with rows of empty shelves. This is reminiscent of World War II days (See previous post). However, the causes of the shortages are different. During WWII, products were not available because they were being used in the war effort. Now there is plenty of product but it is apparently being scarfed up and hoarded by people in panic mode as soon as it hits the shelves. 

One such item is toilet paper. It is almost impossible to find even though it normally fills up long aisles of shelving. It is difficult to believe, but people are actually getting violent over toilet paper! (see the link at the end).

All schools and colleges are closed, as are factories, bars, and churches. People are encouraged to work from home if possible. Grocery stores, gas stations, and businesses deemed necessary remain open. Restaurants are open only for takeout orders – no sit down customers. People are advised to stay at least 6 feet apart. Hand washing is encouraged – hand shaking is not. 

Face masks are commonly seen – some of them quite unusual and creative.

 

 

This guy was seen shopping in a Columbus area store

For weeks the federal government ignored this virus and expressed confidence that it would soon disappear, so very little was done in the way of preparation. Fortunately at the state level most  governors saw the situation for what it was and formed an appropriate plan of action. Later as people started getting sick and dying, attitudes at the federal level changed somewhat, but we  still get most of our leadership from the state house. 

We have no idea how long this shut-down will last. It has the potential of causing  huge economic problems since many people can no longer earn a living. 


The previous serious influenza pandemic was the so-called Spanish Flu of 1918. This one infected an estimated 500 million victims (one-third of the earth’s population) and killed an estimated 50 million. Because of World War I and the mass deployment of soldiers, this virus rapidly spread throughout the world. 

Spanish Flu was mistakenly thought to be caused by bacteria since viruses were unknown at the time. They were not discovered until the electron microscope was invented in 1931.

 According to my mother who would have been 14 at the time, many people thought this was the end of the world. Wooden coffins lined the streets and were in short supply. Undertakers could not keep up with the deaths. Mass graves were not uncommon. People didn’t know how to fight this disease so various techniques were tried. Mom and her siblings were made to wear “asafidity bags” around their necks and inhale the putrid fumes. Rooms containing sick people had wet sheets hung over the doorway and on the windows to keep the disease from spreading.

I looked up “asifidity bag” and found that it was a small cloth bag with a drawstring top that previously held Bull Durham tobacco. It contained asafoetida and other aromatic herbs such as camphor and garlic. Asafoetida is a resinous gum obtained from the roots of the Ferula plant, a member of the fennel family. It is used in folk medicine and Indian cooking, has an extremely foul smell and is sometimes called “devil’s dung”. It was thought to repel influenza germs and evil spirits. Mom said that it smelled so foul that no one would get close enough to give you any germs. Dad said, “if you put one on the baby you could find it in the dark”.

Bull Durham Tobacco Bag

Tom Gregory sent me a copy of an article from the local Ravenna newspaper dated October 14, 1918:

Except for the date, this article could have been in last week’s paper. It appears that the way we deal with pandemics hasn’t changed much in the last 100 years.


Those of us over 70 remember a similar horror show. From about 1916 to 1955 we had the Polio scourge. Also known as Infantile Paralysis, this virus attacked mostly young people. A child would go to bed at night appearing to be perfectly healthy and the following morning wake up paralyzed. It attacked the nervous system – arms, legs, and other muscles would no longer function. 

Some children ended up spending their lives in iron lungs. These were large, barrel-shaped devices that completely enclosed the body except for the head. Pressure was increased and decreased inside, causing the patient’s lungs to fill up and empty, thus doing the work of the paralyzed diaphragm. 

Iron Lungs

Polio would appear each year around Memorial day and wreck havoc throughout the summer.

Parents were terrified. We were not allowed to visit our friends. Swimming was forbidden because Polio was thought to be spread in swimming pools. This situation occurred like clockwork every year until 1955 when a team of scientists led by Dr. Jonas Salk invented a vaccine that caused immunity to the virus. 

One of my class mates was afflicted by Polio. He was absent from class for about 2 months and returned later on crutches with iron braces on his paralyzed leg. He later learned to walk unaided. In high school he was on the basketball team. His left leg was noticeably smaller than his right.

President Franklin Roosevelt was a victim of the Polio virus. He had iron braces on his legs and was in a wheel chair most of his life. He stood up when being photographed at speaking events – bracing himself on two hand rails. The press never photographed him sitting in a wheel chair. Because of  this, most Americans, including me, were unaware of his affliction.

There have appeared several other viruses that had potential of causing a pandemic – Swine Flu, SARS, AIDS, to name a few. Although these killed many people they did not quite rise to the pandemic level we are now experiencing.

In spite of our so-called intelligence and advanced medical techniques, we still appear to be at the mercy of Darwin and the sub-microscopic bit of DNA called virus. 

 

Here are more newspaper clippings from the 1918 pandemic.

 See toilet paper fights here.

Pachinko

My daughter-in-law Christine comes from a military family. As a child she lived in Japan in the ‘60s and early 70’s with her parents and two sisters. When they moved back to the States, one of the items they brought back was a “Pachinko”game machine. 

This was 1976 and the machine has not been in working condition for 40 years or so.  Christine ended up with it in her basement closet along with other forgotten treasures. Recently she ran across it while cleaning  and was going to junk it. Upon further consideration she decided to see if she could find someone who could restore it and put it back in working condition.

Pachinko is similar to pinball, but the machine stands upright instead of horizontal and is normally built into the wall like a window so the player cannot get into the “works”.

The game is played by flipping the spring-loaded lever on the lower right. The path of the ball is controlled by the distance the lever is moved.

According to Christine, there are numerous Pachinko parlors in Tokyo and other Japanese cities, and the people are quite addicted to playing it. She asked me if I would look at this thing, telling me that I was the only person she could think of that could possibly fix it. After a compliment like that I could hardly refuse. Besides, it looked interesting, and the best example of a “Rube Goldberg device” I had ever seen.

The back of the machine showing “the works” 

Close-up showing wiring, counterweight, and one of the microswitches.     Rube Goldberg would be proud!

 

I had been in Tokyo in 1955 courtesy of the U.S. Army but I don’t remember seeing any of these Pachinko machines, so the first thing I needed to do was to figure out how this thing worked and what it was supposed to do. I went to the place where all lost tinkerers go for information – YouTube.com. There I discovered a wealth of information. I found that there had been several companies in Japan that built these things and they had been updated and modernized throughout the years. Many had been removed from the parlors in Tokyo and shipped to the U.S. by various companies with some of the parts removed. Some showed up in arcades in cities like New York and Wilmington, others wound up in private homes.

According to the information on YouTube, Pachinko works like this: The game is played by shooting steel balls through the machine. The player buys a number of these balls from the house, inserts them into the machine, and shoots them through. If he is lucky a ball goes into a jackpot slot that releases an extra number of balls from the jackpot reservoir to the player. The player can either play these or turn them in to the house for prizes or cash. 

Upon inspecting the machine, I found several broken parts, cut electrical wires, corroded contacts, dust bunnies, spider poop, and jammed up rusty steel balls wedged in the works. I unjammed, cleaned, re-wired, glued and rebuilt broken parts. I also added a 9 volt power supply and a stand to keep it from falling over. 

I loaded up the jackpot hopper and shot a few balls. The bells rang, the lights flashed, and the jackpot paid off. Life is good!

I have been playing the Pachinko machine for several days now. So far I have made about 4 million bucks. I think I’ll try to rack up a few more million before I give it back to Christine.

Play Video

 

Alaska(2)

After 4 days of kayaking and camping in Harriman Fjord (see Alaska(1)) the boats arrived to take us back to Whittier.

Our van had arrived on the last train. We loaded our gear onto the top of the van and  Mike, our guide, drove it onto the Alaska Ferry that was to take us to our next destination, Valdez.

Alaska Ferry in Whittier. Notice abandoned barracks in background

Valdez, a former gold rush town, is located on the eastern side of Prince William Sound and at the end of the Alaska pipeline. It is a commercial fishing port as well as a terminal for Alaska crude and other freight. 

Friction from fast moving oil makes the pipe hot. The cooling fins are to keep the legs from melting the permafrost. The pipeline is elevated so that it doesn’t interfere with the migrating animals.

This was 1988, but the damage from the 1964 magnitude 9.2 earthquake was still visible in Valdez. There were several abandoned areas that looked as though the land had dropped 20 feet or more.

Thompson Pass near Valdez – the snowiest place in Alaska. One year the snowfall here was over 900 inches. The inverted “L’s” on the roadside are markers so the snowplows can find the road after a heavy snowfall.

 We didn’t do much sightseeing in Valdez. We did buy a shower which set us back $3.00 apiece, and picked up some groceries. We set up our tents at a campsite on the outskirts of town. The next morning we hit the Denali Highway and headed north.

The Denali Highway was mostly gravel. It was, however, relatively smooth and wide, but traveling on this gravel at 70mph was pretty hard on tires and we had two flats along the way. Fortunately Mike had two spares. Later we found a tire repair shop that fixed the damaged tires.

After two days of driving and sightseeing we arrived at Denali National Park. This is quite a distance north of Whittier and we were no longer in an oceanic climate. Unlike the southern areas that we visited, the sky is actually blue here and the humidity is quite low. It never got dark during our stay and often became quite warm. The region is tundra and permafrost, nearly no trees. Low bushes and flowers abound.

Lynx Creek campground is located at the entrance of Denali Park and we set up camp there. From here we spent the next two days exploring the Park.

There is one road through the park and shuttle buses take visitors to the interior. We hopped on and off the buses and hiked at various places, being advised not to venture too far away from the road. We spent some time hiking around Wonder Lake, then picked up a bus to return to our campsite. The ride back took 5 hours. Part of the drive was through taiga (Russian for land of little sticks). This was tundra that could support only stunted conifers – none over 20 feet tall.

Taiga 

Much wildlife was visible, including Dall sheep, caribou, grizzly, golden eagles, and small prairie dog- like mammals. Flowers of various shades abound on the tundra. Mt. Denali (named Mt. McKinley by Americans) was visible in the distance – crisp and clear. It was easily distinguished from the other mountains in that it was brilliant white while the others were green or grey. Mt. Denali is so large it creates it’s own climate and is often obscured by clouds. Because of this it is only visible about 30% of the time. We were quite lucky that the weather gods smiled down and allowed us to see this marvelous spectacle.

Denali (Mt. McKinley)

Just outside the park was a bar called the Lynx Creek Cafe. We stopped there one evening for a drink. The outdoor patio was full of adventurers of all ages – old ugly guys with beards, families, college girls with backpacks wearing shorts and hiking boots. Everyone was energized and excited. It was 2:00 AM and broad daylight, but nobody seemed to want to retire. 

Lynx Creek Cafe

 Chris was talking with two girls sitting at a picnic table, Mark and I were sitting at the bar. Chris invited us over to meet the girls. I said, “Ok, but don’t introduce me as your father, tell them I’m your brother”. He did, but during the conversation that followed, out of habit he repeatedly referred to me as “Dad”, so my cover was blown. The girls didn’t seem to mind and when they heard we had just bought a big jug of gin in Valdez they invited us to their tent to party further. Chris and I took them up on their invitation and Mark hit the sack. 

When we arrived at their tent I broke out the gin and everyone had a drink. When the girls noticed that I put the cap back on the gin they objected, telling me I should throw away the cap because we would no longer need it. That convinced me that this crowd was too rough for us country boys and we immediately abandoned the scene. After all, that gin had to last through the remainder of our trip. These girls weren’t interested in our good looks and charming conversation, they just wanted our booze!

 

Hiking in Denali Park (Mt. Denali in background)

Moose in Denali Park

Sable Pass in Denali Park. Notice the nails along the bottom of the sign to prevent the grizzlies from gnawing.

Here is one reason the sign was necessary!

We spent 2 days camping by Denali Park, riding the shuttle bus, hiking, observing wildlife and generally enjoying the area. On the last night we attended a salmon bake, did some laundry, and packed our waterproof bags for the raft trip.

The following morning we drove to Talkeetna Airport where we met the guides from “Nova River Runners”, the outfit that was to take us on our rafting trip. They issued each of us rain suits and rubber boots. We had two bush planes available – one a Cessna, the other a silver-colored Piper Cub of 1940’s vintage. The Cessna was equipped with skis as well as wheels.

The Piper Cub was loaded with rafts, frames, oars, duffel, etc, and was flown by an elderly pilot that had a small white poodle as his copilot. He had been flying out of this airport since 1948 and was definitely much older than the average bush pilot. 

It took several trips of about 1 hour each to get us and our gear to the top of Mt. Talkeetna, where we were to start our rafting experience. 

On the plane ride to the top we flew over breathtaking scenery – mountains, taiga, muskeg, moose, caribou, and braided rivers the color of milk from rock ground up by the glaciers.

The Cessna  pilot who flew the passengers must have been all of 17. On landing it looked to me as if he was going to put the plane down in the water, but he managed to land on a narrow sandbar in the middle of the river. Except for a narrow path down the center, this sandbar was covered by 10 to 20 foot high trees and brush. I didn’t realize how narrow the path was until I watched the plane taking off after leaving us on the sandbar. The wings of the plane brushed the branches on both sides. I suddenly realized why Alaskan bush pilots seldom get to be old men – our Piper Cub pilot was a rare exception.

We had almost as many guides as we had customers – Chuck and Ron from Nova Rafting, Mark, a soils expert for the state, Michelle, a biologist, and Jim, a husky native Inuit. We were treated like royalty. The guides cooked excellent meals, set up and cleaned the camps, assembled and steered the 3 rafts, etc. All we had to do was pitch our own tents, see to our personal gear, and help steer the rafts. 

It took us 4 days of rafting down the Talkeetna river to get to the bottom of the mountain. We started in a valley filled with glacial outwash. The river here was swift with many channels that criss-crossed in a braided pattern. We floated for several hours and set up camp on the river’s edge.

There were many large bear tracks here. Just in case we had bear trouble, one guide carried a 12 gauge shotgun loaded with buckshot and slugs, another had a .44 magnum revolver. Normally these grizzly bears will avoid humans if possible. The trouble usually occurs when you come upon one in the bush and startle it. When walking through the brush we would sing and holler things like “Here bear “ and make lots of noise. Some campers tie sleigh bells to their shoes to announce their presence to the bears. The standing joke in Alaska is that when a bear dies and the contents of his stomach are examined, large numbers of sleigh bells are often found!

The river was a mixture of flat peaceful water and terrifying rapids, 20 miles of which went through a canyon with steep cliffs on both sides, preventing us from going anywhere but straight ahead. On one particular difficult rapid we tied our rafts and scouted the rapids from the top of a cliff – about 60 feet above the water.This part of the rapids is known as the “Toilet Bowl” and the river is squeezed between two cliffs, and makes a right turn into a flat place with an eddy. From there it makes a sharp left and shoots through a rocky place called the “Sluice Box”.

The guides decided how they were going to negotiate these rapids and we piled back into the rafts. Our guide had Big Jim the Inuit and me sit on the right side of the raft. He told us to back-paddle as hard as we could on his command. When the command came I tried to back-paddle but the water was so swift I could not move my paddle. It felt as if I had stuck it into concrete. Big Jim tried to back-paddle and bent his aluminum paddle into a 90 degree angle. 

We ended up in the middle of the gorge with water roaring past us on one side. More paddling put us back into the current again and we entered the Sluice Box.  

Everyone safely through, we set out down the remaining 14 miles of white water in the canyon. We camped by a gold prospector’s shack. The prospector was gone and we made use of his outhouse. 

The milky color of the water is due to rock ground up by the glaciers

Michelle was taking a swim in the river and I decided to join her. I got in as far as my ankles and the pain from the cold glacial water was so intense that I popped right back out. I have previously swum in cold water in the Boundary Waters, Quetico, and even Antartica, but I have never experienced anything as painful as this. Those “Alaska wimmin” are really tough!

Chuck, one of our guides, had bought a Casio waterproof watch just before the trip. The first day into the trip the watch stopped running.

Now what do you think a normal person would do if they had bought a watch and it quit running after the first day? Take it back to the store and ask for a replacement or refund, right? Not these guys. They propped the watch up on a rock, threw stones at it, and took bets on who could break it first. They entertained themselves for over an hour playing this game. I marveled at the relaxed attitude these guys had and how it differed from that of most people I knew in the lower 48.

The next morning we negotiated the final 5 hours of river, dismantled and deflated the rafts, boarded the van and returned to Anchorage (a 3 hour drive) and the Inlet Inn, where we had previously roomed. 

At this time of year Anchorage never gets dark although the sun does set. At dusk the sun sets in the west, then for the next few hours the sunset slowly moves along the horizon from west to north to east where it is now a sunrise!

 It was our final day with Mike, the guide from Camp Alaska Tours, and he offered to treat us to a beer at “The Great Alaska Bush Company”. This wild frontier-type bar had topless and bottomless dancers. Nancy declined the invitation but the rest of us accepted. After all, who in his right mind would pass up free beer?

When we arrived, there was a girl dancing on the back bar. She was definitely making some fancy moves. I wanted to give her a tip, but she didn’t have any pockets in which to stash the money!

We walked around the city that evening and had dinner at a bar frequented by native Inuit people.

There were two lovers sitting in a booth. Mark wondered if they were going to kiss or rub noses! 

We also stopped at the Bush Pilot’s Museum. The bush pilot’s hall of fame had no members over 33 years old. We noticed that even though Anchorage was the largest city in Alaska, it had no buildings over two stories high. 

The following morning Mark, Chris and I rented a car and drove 250 miles to Homer, where we planned to do some halibut fishing. We set up our tents in a campground on a hill overlooking the town. The scenery was stunning. Homer is both a fishing and farming village and is unique for its “spit” – a narrow 5 mile stretch of land that juts out into Kachemak Bay. The water in the bay had a purple cast with a large mountain rising straight out of the water on the far side. On the spit were marinas, fish canneries, and campsites for the cannery workers.

The “Spit” in Homer Alaska

We had booked a day long trip on the “Debbie Joann”, a charter fishing boat out of Portland, Oregon. We sailed about 15 miles out to sea with 8 fishermen and 4 crew. The farther we went the rougher the sea became. The captain said that it may be too rough for us to fish and offered to turn back. We finally decided to stay out for a half day at half price. 

The rollers were 8 – 10 feet high and the boat was rocking at a pretty good pace. I started fishing and my rod tip would sometimes touch the water. I was feeling fine and not a bit ill, when without any warning I suddenly lost my breakfast. I was still not feeling sick and didn’t know why that happened. Five or so minutes later I knew exactly why it happened. I became so sick that I would have had to get better before I could die! 

That was quite a shock to me. I had crossed the Pacific twice on troop ships in water much rougher than this and didn’t get sick. It may have been the frequency of the waves which was much quicker, or it could have been my age or physical condition – who knows. Anyhow, I could no longer fish. Mark was in a similar condition as were over half the people on board. Chris didn’t get sick and pulled in halibut one after another. 

One half hour after getting off the boat I was feeling fine. The captain filleted our fish – we had about 20 pounds of fillets. We kept two for supper and took the rest to a cannery to be vacuum packed and frozen so we could take them home.

Halibut

For our final adventure we drove to Morgan’s Landing on the Kenai River to do some salmon fishing. Many people think that if you go to Alaska to fish you will have the place to yourself with no crowding. That may be true if you fly into some remote spot with no road access, but along the Kenai when the salmon are running the fishermen are elbow-to-elbow, and the banks are so crowded you have to fight to get to the river. If you lose your place you may never get it back.

The Kenai was quite swift and milky from the glacial till. The salmon were so thick it looked as if we could walk across the river on their backs. I don’t understand how they could see our bait in that milky water and I believe many were snagged by the hook as they swam by. 

We didn’t have any luck that day except that Chris caught one large salmon. Trouble is – it had already been filleted – and it was still wiggling! I know the reader will not believe this and I can’t find a picture to prove it. I can hardly believe it myself but I have two credible witnesses who swear that this event occurred.


When we flew out of Anchorage on August 1st  it was already getting dark at night – a sign that Alaska was getting ready for a long dark winter and it was time for us to leave. 

More photos HERE

Alaska(1)

A camping trip to Alaska has always been my idea of the ultimate adventure. I had been considering this trip for several years but not many of my friends were willing to commit to the cost, risk, or time. Eventually my brother, Mark, and my oldest son, Chris, became interested so we scheduled it for June, 1988.

On trips to the Boundary Waters or Quetico, getting lost means that you may spend a few extra  days in the wilderness, but chances are that eventually you would find your way out or someone will rescue you. If you get lost in Alaska the archeologists will probably find your bones centuries later. Also the grizzly bears up there have a different agenda than the black bears we dealt with in the BW. The other factor to consider is the tides. If you do any kayaking and don’t know how to read tide tables your body could wind up in Tokyo bay or some other far-away place. Because of these factors we thought it prudent to hire a guide.

We searched the ads and found an outfitter called “Camp Alaska Tours”. This company furnished a guide with a van and would take a group of up to 8 persons. They would sub-contract other outfitters and tailor-make  a trip with activities that interest the group. Among the things that interested us were sea kayaking and rafting. We also wanted to do some salmon and halibut fishing along with exploring some glaciers and towns. We hired Camp Alaska as our main outfitter. They in turn hired other outfitters and guides for the sea kayaking and rafting.

We decided to fly to Seattle and take the Alaska Ferry to Juneau through the inside passage. We would spend a day in Juneau, then fly to Anchorage and be picked up by Camp Alaska Tours to continue our adventure. 

On arriving in Seattle we were met by our cousin John Paulus who offered to keep us at his home and show us around the area. John lives in the suburbs with his wife, Gay. He is a retired engineer from Boeing, skier, kayaker, and amateur herpetologist. He spends his retirement visiting schools in the area lecturing and showing live snakes to the kids. 

John and Gay Paulus – June 1988

John gave us a tour of the area showing us the salmon fish ladders and other points of interest.

Fish Ladder on the Columbia River, Seattle

 After spending two days with John and Gay we headed to the ferry port for our ride through the inside passage.

Alaska Ferry

The Alaska ferry takes passengers, vehicles, and supplies from the lower 48 up to Alaska and the Aleutians.  Passengers can book cabins or sleep wherever they can find room – a stairwell, deck, or hallway.  We booked a cabin with 3 bunks to use during the 3 day trip from Seattle to Juneau. 

There were many loaded semi-trailers on board to be hooked onto tractors when they arrived at their destination. Also aboard were many interesting people – adventurers, tourists, college students, business men.   Many of the college kids had summer jobs in fish canneries or on fishing trawlers. They had put up tents on the rear deck forming a kind of “tent city”. 

“Tent City”

We even met a condom designer from Cincinnati. Mark tried to pick his brain for “engineering advice”.

The scenery in the passage is wild and fascinating. Along with barges carrying grain, bales of hay, cement blocks, coal, and other supplies, are glaciers, bald eagles, orca whales, and other wildlife rarely seen in the lower 48.  

Barges on the Inside Passage

 The ferry stops at some of the small villages along the inside passage. The climate here is oceanic so it rains almost constantly. The rain forests have trees that look as if they have hair growing on their trunks. Many of the school playgrounds have a roof to keep the rain away.

We disembarked at Ketchikan and were able to tour the town on foot since it is small and doesn’t go far inland. It is interesting for its totem poles. 

Ketchikan Ferry Dock

Totem Poles in Ketchikan

There were some buildings built out over the water on stilts that were said to be houses of prostitution during the Alaska gold rush. One wag pointed out that this is where both fish and fishermen spawned in the same place!

We stopped at Wrangell for an hour to unload passengers and supplies, also at Petersburg where a large number of college students disembarked to work in salmon canneries. These villages along the shore were very picturesque although somewhat primitive by lower 48 standards.

Ferry Dock at Petersburg

After 3 days in the passage we arrived in Juneau and disembarked.

 Juneau is cradled between the Pacific shore, a large mountain, and the Mendenhall Glacier. Along with being the state capital it is a fishing village with docks for a large fleet of boats and fishing trawlers. To serve the many cruise ships that stop are tourist shops, restaurants, bars, and nightlife. Everything appears to go uphill from the ocean. It reminded me of an “old west” version of San Francisco.

 We rented a car, toured the town and visited the Mendenhall Glacier. We could drive 15 miles or so – blocked in by the sea and the mountains.

Juneau Alaska

Two Gunslingers In Front of the Red Dog

Mendenhall Glacier – Juneau, Alaska

Don’t try this at home!

We happened to be in Juneau on July 4, 1988, so we were privileged to see their independence day parade. It consisted of the usual trappings – fire trucks, boy scouts, small floats, kids on bicycles, dogs, etc. I was struck by the fact that we were in the capital of the largest state in the union and its 4th of July parade was smaller than the one in Randolph, the small Ohio town where I was raised.

After spending the day in Juneau we boarded our flight to Anchorage.

That’s an image of a native Inuit on the tail (I thought it was Johnny Cash!)

Arriving at  the Inlet Inn hotel we met Mike, our guide from Camp Alaska. Mark and Chris had both brought 44 Magnum revolvers along as grizzly bear protection but Mike talked them into leaving these in the hotel safe to be picked up at the end of our trip, pointing out that the guns were not needed since each guide would carry one. 

The next morning we met the 3 other members of our tour, Bob, Nancy, and Glen. We packed our gear into Mike’s van and headed for Portage, about an hour drive. After visiting Portage Glacier, we boarded the train for Whittier where we were to start our kayaking trip into Prince William Sound. 

Kayakers, fishermen, and other adventurers boarding the train to Whittier

Whittier is a very small town on Prince William Sound, It consisted of a few houses, trailers, old buildings, restaurant in an old house trailer, an abandoned Army barracks, and a marina to service the fishing fleet. The town taxi service was a kid driving an old Pontiac convertible.  The only way into Whittier was by sea or train. Except for the marina, this place looked like the back doors of hell!

Whittier, Alaska

Whittier Marina

We entered the restaurant trailer for lunch. At the same time one of the fisherman brought in a bushel basket full of fresh large shrimp straight from one of the trawlers. They looked so good that we all ordered shrimp, and they were every bit as good as they looked. Remember, this was 1988, a year before the Exxon Valdez accident that dumped a tanker-load of oil into the sound. 

We now had with us Bob Hakenen from the Hugh Glass Backpacking Company who was to be our kayaking guide. Bob furnished us with Klepper kayaks which come in canvas bags as a bundle of sticks and rubberized cover. For safety reasons it is unlawful in Alaska to carry kayaks or canoes lashed to the pontoons of a plane as we did in Canada or lower US. Chances are if these broke loose the plane would probably go down somewhere unreachable, so the only kayaks available were those that could be dis-assembled and carried inside a bush plane.

We loaded a large dory and smaller motor boat with the kayaks in canvas bags along with our gear, then headed out into Prince William Sound. After about two hours we were dropped off on a beach of glacial outwash close to the mouth of a fjord with a large glacier at the far end. We unloaded our stuff and the boats departed, leaving us alone in the fjord, telling us they would be back in 4 days to pick us up. 

Abandoned!

After erecting our tents and assembling the Kleppers, we gathered firewood, and “Bob the guide” cooked a meal. For bear protection the cooking area was placed 50 yards from the tents. There were no trees on which to hoist the food to protect it from bears. Bob buried it in a shallow hole and kept the site clean and smell-free, hoping the bears wouldn’t find it.

Put stick X into hole Y

Our campsite in Harriman Fjord

After being on the camp site for only a small time we discovered something that would nag us for the next 4 days. We had been dropped off right in the middle of a tern rookery. The baby tern chicks were scampering around on the ground while their parents were giving us grief by diving at us from above. We could barely move without being attacked. These guys would dive at our heads and let out a loud squawk.  We learned to hang a pan or other object on a branch and hold it over our heads as we walked to keep the little buggers from parting our hair.

Arctic Tern

Gene fights off terns with a roll of toilet paper

Another strange thing – it always seemed to be thundering – but it never rained. On further observation we noticed that we could see 10 glaciers from our campsite. The thunder was caused by the glaciers calving and the sound was echoing off of the surrounding cliffs. The glaciers were so far away that the noise from the calving arrived later than the visible event, so we could never see it by tracing the noise. 

At 11PM we turned in. It was still broad daylight!

When kayaking, each person took along his/her sleeping bag and used it as a back cushion. In case a person falls into the water, putting him in the bag would keep him from getting hypothermia on the way back to camp.

Paddling in the fjord was a unique experience. Our kayaks were often  surrounded by small icebergs that were slowly melting. Because they had been formed under pressure small air bubbles were trapped inside, and they  popped and sizzled as they melted giving the impression that we were paddling around in a very large pool of gin and tonic! Our guide told us that people from Japan were buying this ice to put in drinks because they liked the popping noise it made as it melted.

Otters playing among small icebergs in the fjord

Harriman Fjord was surrounded by mountains which had many hanging glaciers. With the thunder, unbelievable scenery, glaciers and the fizz from the icebergs, paddling around in there was an experience difficult to describe.

Hanging Glacier in Harriman Fjord

At the far end of the fjord was Harriman Glacier, the “big daddy”  that had formed the fjord. We decided to paddle up to this glacier to give it a closer look – a trip that appeared to be about a half-hour paddle. After paddling two hours, it seemed that we were not getting any closer. The distances are so vast that it fools the mind. After more paddling we came within one quarter mile of the glacier. Our guide warned us not to go closer, because if it calved, the wave from the chunk falling into the fjord would swamp the kayaks. 

Harriman Glacier

Getting closer!

Calving

One time when exiting our kayak I forgot to button the pocket that contained my camera, and it fell into the water. The water in the fjord is a mixture of salt water from the ocean and fresh water from the glaciers, so is not healthy for the interior of an electronic device. On getting back to camp I set the camera on top of my duffel bag to dry and it started taking pictures by itself non-stop. After about one half hour it stopped – never to work again. 

So here I was on the trip of a lifetime surrounded by unbelievable scenery without a camera. Mark had an extra camera with him, so he took pity on me and loaned me his.

On several occasions a large catamaran called the “Klondike” would visit the fjord. The tourists on board were leaning over the rail taking OUR pictures! We wanted to “moon” them but Nancy vetoed the idea. 

After 4 days of paddling in this breath-taking environment, we disassembled the kayaks, said goodbye to Harriman Fjord, boarded the motor boats, and headed back to Whittier to move on to our next adventure.

To be continued.

More pictures HERE

Grabby Things

Last week I had a 7AM dental appointment. Just as I was getting ready to leave I was bothered by a tickle in my nose. The nose hairs had become too long and were tickling my nostrils every time I took a breath. No problem – I have this battery-powered rotary trimmer gizmo that  will trim nose hairs and keep them under control. 

So I placed the trimmer in the left nostril and fired ‘er up. It immediately grabbed onto a bunch of hairs and stalled. No matter what I did I could not get the damn thing restarted.

So there I was with this thing hanging out of my nose, holding on by the hair, and me being almost  late. I didn’t want to show up for my appointment looking like some refugee from the Star Wars bar with this extra appendage hanging from my nose, so I wiggled, tore, shed some tears and cajoled the device into letting go of my nose fuzz,  barely making the appointment in time. 

It appears that every time I think I am “king of the hill” something humbling like this happens to bring me back down to earth.

Brother Mark tells a similar story. He and his wife Jody were performing at a folk music dance. One of the performers was a man with a big bushy mustache who was playing a chromatic harmonica. For those who never saw this type of harmonica, it has a sliding mouthpiece with a button on the side that allows the player to access the sharps and flats. The man was going to town on “Turkey in the Straw” when his mustache got caught in the slide. 

So there he stood with the harmonica hanging from his face just like I was with the nose hair thing. But this was even worse – It happened to a performer in front of a crowd. It took several minutes of painful tear – producing pulls and jerks to get the thing off of his face. Mark said that the guy was in pain and shame for the remainder of the evening.

I recall a similar incident that happened many years ago when Mark was about 3 years old. He and his cousin Jim had just been given a bath and were running around the house naked. They were playing with one of those toy frogs with a mouse-trap like spring that was set by pressing it into some tar-like substance on the bottom. When set this caused the frog to jump at an unpredictable time.  On one occasion the frog jumped up, grabbed Jim by his thingy, and hung on for dear life.  Much weeping, wailing, and caterwauling followed as the offending amphibian was removed. 

The frog was banned from further jumping unless the spectators were wearing clothes.

Speaking of nose-hair, I was watching the evening news last week when they presented the latest fashion fad – nose lashes! The girls are taking false eyelashes, rolling them around a pencil, and fastening them in their noses! I kid you not!

Holy Nose Fuzz Batman!  I think I’ve lived too long!

Nose Lashes – Did you ever have a nose wink at you?

Miscellaneous Events

Here are some events that recently came to my mind that I thought may be of interest to the reader. I present them here not in any logical order but as I thought of them.


Kenny, my friend from high school, had two brothers and a sister who were every bit as ornery as he was. At one time Kenny’s sister, Maryann, bought a table-top radio so she could listen to music on the AM band. The problem was that every time she wanted to listen to this radio one of her brothers was using it. 

At that time radios used glass vacuum tubes plugged into sockets instead of the more  recently invented transistors and solid-state circuits.

5 tube Table Radio

Maryann’s radio had 5 tubes that all needed to be in their sockets for the radio to function. In order to keep her brothers from using the radio without her permission Maryann removed one of the tubes and hid it, thus disabling the radio. When her brothers saw this, each one also took out a tube. Now they all had to be present in order to listen to the radio. 

Its rough for a girl to be brought up in a family of boys. But who knows, since they all had to gather around the radio to listen to music, this radio may have served the same purpose as the family dinner table.


One day Kenny’s mother was grocery shopping. While checking out at the cash register she opened her purse and a large revolver fell out and rolled onto the counter. Thinking this was a robbery in progress, the checkout girl immediately went into panic mode and hit the deck. But Kenny’s mom was as surprised as the girl. Kenny and his brothers had put the revolver in their mother’s purse to embarrass her. 

Good thing she was at the grocery store and not the bank!


One night about 2AM Kenny and I were sitting around wondering what we could do to pass the time. We decided to make a few phone calls and get some people out of bed. We would call a number, tell the person answering that we were from Bell Telephone Company, were testing the lines, and in order to do this he must hold the phone 3 feet away from his head and whistle. After the victim did this, we told him his phone was ok but his whistling might improve if he would eat some bird seed. 

Swearing usually followed.


Bob Horning had a small dump truck and did light hauling. We called him  and the conversation went something like this:

Bob (in sleepy voice): “Heelloo ” ..

Kenny: “Is this Horning Trucking?”

Bob: “Yes”.

Kenny: “Do you do light hauling?”

Bob (Thinking he was talking to a prospective customer): “Yes I do”.

Kenny: “ THEN HAUL YER ASS BACK TO BED!”

There were a few seconds of silence as we giggled in the background. After the initial shock Bob figured out what was happening and then even he couldn’t help laughing.

I guess that could be considered “light” hauling. Bob was not a very big man.


As with many of the older hard-working residents of Randolph, Bill Petty had worked all his life and had never taken a vacation. One summer he decided to take his wife on a trip out west and visit the Grand Canyon. Bill bought a new Kodak Brownie box camera in order to document this event. 

Kodak Box Camera

Bill had never operated a camera before so his experience as a photographer was quite limited.

In order to aim a Brownie box camera it must be held at waist level while the operator looks down into the view finder to compose the picture. 

Using a Box Camera

 Bill took several rolls of film on the trip and upon returning sent them to Kodak for developing. He waited in anticipation for the photos to arrive so he could show his friends the beauty of the Canyon. When the pictures finally arrived Bill opened the package and inspected the contents. Instead of the Grand Canyon, each was a picture of Bill’s head with his mouth open looking down at the camera. He had held the camera backwards and instead of beautiful scenery each was a picture of himself! 


My 1940 Ford had plastic seat covers and static electricity was a problem in cold dry weather. One cold evening while out with my girlfriend I slid across the seat to give her a kiss. A large fat spark jumped across our noses with a loud snap, and the resulting shock brought tears to our eyes.

It was a shocking experience to say the least, but it certainly enhanced my reputation as an exciting kisser!.


One cold Sunday morning when I was about 8 years old I remember my mother driving my sister and me to church in Grandpa Lang’s 1933 Cadillac. The road was slippery and Mom was quite tense – she was not comfortable driving in these conditions. We were rounding a curve when the car hit an icy patch and suddenly did a quick 180, turning completely around. The car was now pointed toward home. Mom didn’t even take her foot off the accelerator. Without hesitation or saying a word she just continued in the direction the car was now pointed. 

Needless to say we did not make it to Mass. I guess Mom decided that God wanted us to stay home that day.

Lang’s 1933 Cadillac -Delores Lang standing on the fender


One evening my friends and I decided to have a beer party in the woods on top of Sand Hill. Not surprisingly, our parents didn’t approve of such things so we needed to do this on the sly. To prepare for this party Kenny and I bought a 16 gallon keg of beer at the Lakeview Cafe and put it in the trunk of Kenny’s car. The keg was too large for the trunk so the trunk lid stayed open. Kenny turned the corner too fast when crossing the square in Randolph, causing the keg to roll out of the trunk and bounce across the square. He stopped the car and we got out to retrieve our keg.

It just so happened that my dad was walking across the square at the same time. I thought, “Gene, you are now DEAD!”.

I guess Dad had his mind somewhere else. To my surprise, the event didn’t even seem to register with him. I had dodged another bullet and was able to live another day.


My mother was a mild-mannered person who hardly ever raised her voice (see previous post- Edith Lang Roliff ). She was also very religious, used proper English, and would never utter a swear word. By the time she was in her 90’s her body was racked with Parkinson’s and her voice was so weak it was hardly audible.

One evening Mom’s sisters, Alice and Irene, were at our house taking care of her and were serving dinner which included chicken and mashed potatoes. Irene put a piece of chicken on Mom’s plate and asked her where she wanted her potatoes.

“Put them on top of the chicken”, Mom said in her usual weak voice.

 Irene pointed out that the potatoes should go beside the chicken, not on top. Mom again said she wanted them on top. Irene informed her that nobody puts potatoes on top of chicken. Mom again repeated that she would prefer to have the potatoes on top of the chicken. Then Alice pointed out that it is not proper etiquette to put potatoes on top of chicken and nobody does that and she had never heard of anyone ever putting potatoes on top of chicken.

“PUT THE DAMN POTATOES ON TOP OF THE GODDAM CHICKEN”, Mom exclaimed in a voice louder than anyone had heard from her in months.

So the potatoes were placed on top of the chicken.

Alice and Irene spent the remainder of the evening recovering from shock.

Brother Mark and I spent the remainder of the evening laughing.