Category: Events before 1955

Miscellaneous Events

Here are some events that recently came to my mind that I thought may be of interest to the reader. I present them here not in any logical order but as I thought of them.

Kenny, my friend from high school, had two brothers and a sister who were every bit as ornery as he was. At one time Kenny’s sister, Maryann, bought a table-top radio so she could listen to music on the AM band. The problem was that every time she wanted to listen to this radio one of her brothers was using it. 

At that time radios used glass vacuum tubes plugged into sockets instead of the more  recently invented transistors and solid-state circuits.

5 tube Table Radio

Maryann’s radio had 5 tubes that all needed to be in their sockets for the radio to function. In order to keep her brothers from using the radio without her permission Maryann removed one of the tubes and hid it, thus disabling the radio. When her brothers saw this, each one also took out a tube. Now they all had to be present in order to listen to the radio. 

Its rough for a girl to be brought up in a family of boys. But who knows, since they all had to gather around the radio to listen to music, this radio may have served the same purpose as the family dinner table.

One day Kenny’s mother was grocery shopping. While checking out at the cash register she opened her purse and a large revolver fell out and rolled onto the counter. Thinking this was a robbery in progress, the checkout girl immediately went into panic mode and hit the deck. But Kenny’s mom was as surprised as the girl. Kenny and his brothers had put the revolver in their mother’s purse to embarrass her. 

Good thing she was at the grocery store and not the bank!

One night about 2AM Kenny and I were sitting around wondering what we could do to pass the time. We decided to make a few phone calls and get some people out of bed. We would call a number, tell the person answering that we were from Bell Telephone Company, were testing the lines, and in order to do this he must hold the phone 3 feet away from his head and whistle. After the victim did this, we told him his phone was ok but his whistling might improve if he would eat some bird seed. 

Swearing usually followed.

Bob Horning had a small dump truck and did light hauling. We called him  and the conversation went something like this:

Bob (in sleepy voice): “Heelloo ” ..

Kenny: “Is this Horning Trucking?”

Bob: “Yes”.

Kenny: “Do you do light hauling?”

Bob (Thinking he was talking to a prospective customer): “Yes I do”.

Kenny: “ THEN HAUL YER ASS BACK TO BED!”

There were a few seconds of silence as we giggled in the background. After the initial shock Bob figured out what was happening and then even he couldn’t help laughing.

I guess that could be considered “light” hauling. Bob was not a very big man.

As with many of the older hard-working residents of Randolph, Bill Petty had worked all his life and had never taken a vacation. One summer he decided to take his wife on a trip out west and visit the Grand Canyon. Bill bought a new Kodak Brownie box camera in order to document this event. 

Kodak Box Camera

Bill had never operated a camera before so his experience as a photographer was quite limited.

In order to aim a Brownie box camera it must be held at waist level while the operator looks down into the view finder to compose the picture. 

Using a Box Camera

 Bill took several rolls of film on the trip and upon returning sent them to Kodak for developing. He waited in anticipation for the photos to arrive so he could show his friends the beauty of the Canyon. When the pictures finally arrived Bill opened the package and inspected the contents. Instead of the Grand Canyon, each was a picture of Bill’s head with his mouth open looking down at the camera. He had held the camera backwards and instead of beautiful scenery each was a picture of himself! 

My 1940 Ford had plastic seat covers and static electricity was a problem in cold dry weather. One cold evening while out with my girlfriend I slid across the seat to give her a kiss. A large fat spark jumped across our noses with a loud snap, and the resulting shock brought tears to our eyes.

It was a shocking experience to say the least, but it certainly enhanced my reputation as an exciting kisser!.

One cold Sunday morning when I was about 8 years old I remember my mother driving my sister and me to church in Grandpa Lang’s 1933 Cadillac. The road was slippery and Mom was quite tense – she was not comfortable driving in these conditions. We were rounding a curve when the car hit an icy patch and suddenly did a quick 180, turning completely around. The car was now pointed toward home. Mom didn’t even take her foot off the accelerator. Without hesitation or saying a word she just continued in the direction the car was now pointed. 

Needless to say we did not make it to Mass. I guess Mom decided that God wanted us to stay home that day.

Lang’s 1933 Cadillac -Delores Lang standing on the fender

One evening my friends and I decided to have a beer party in the woods on top of Sand Hill. Not surprisingly, our parents didn’t approve of such things so we needed to do this on the sly. To prepare for this party Kenny and I bought a 16 gallon keg of beer at the Lakeview Cafe and put it in the trunk of Kenny’s car. The keg was too large for the trunk so the trunk lid stayed open. Kenny turned the corner too fast when crossing the square in Randolph, causing the keg to roll out of the trunk and bounce across the square. He stopped the car and we got out to retrieve our keg.

It just so happened that my dad was walking across the square at the same time. I thought, “Gene, you are now DEAD!”.

I guess Dad had his mind somewhere else. To my surprise, the event didn’t even seem to register with him. I had dodged another bullet and was able to live another day.

My mother was a mild-mannered person who hardly ever raised her voice (see previous post- Edith Lang Roliff ). She was also very religious, used proper English, and would never utter a swear word. By the time she was in her 90’s her body was racked with Parkinson’s and her voice was so weak it was hardly audible.

One evening Mom’s sisters, Alice and Irene, were at our house taking care of her and were serving dinner which included chicken and mashed potatoes. Irene put a piece of chicken on Mom’s plate and asked her where she wanted her potatoes.

“Put them on top of the chicken”, Mom said in her usual weak voice.

 Irene pointed out that the potatoes should go beside the chicken, not on top. Mom again said she wanted them on top. Irene informed her that nobody puts potatoes on top of chicken. Mom again repeated that she would prefer to have the potatoes on top of the chicken. Then Alice pointed out that it is not proper etiquette to put potatoes on top of chicken and nobody does that and she had never heard of anyone ever putting potatoes on top of chicken.

“PUT THE DAMN POTATOES ON TOP OF THE GODDAM CHICKEN”, Mom exclaimed in a voice louder than anyone had heard from her in months.

So the potatoes were placed on top of the chicken.

Alice and Irene spent the remainder of the evening recovering from shock.

Brother Mark and I spent the remainder of the evening laughing.

Old Fords

In 1908 Henry Ford brought to market his brain child – the Model T Ford Automobile. It sold for $850. By 1925 he had increased the efficiency of his factory using the assembly line, interchangeable parts, and other techniques. He could now sell this car for $260 and still make a profit. This translates to about $3500 in today’s money, and it was now affordable for most people in America. By 1927 when the Model T was superseded by the Model A, 15 million had been sold, and over half the cars in the US  were Model T Fords. This was the longest run of any automobile model in history until 1972, when the Volkswagen Beetle surpassed it. 

Henry Ford’s Ad for the Model T

Model T Ford Sedan (notice that the kid has his hand on the crank)

Unlike later automobiles whose transmissions were a series of sliding gears, the Model T ’s transmission consisted of a series of bands and clutches similar to the modern automatic transmission. It had 2 speeds forward and one reverse. There were 3 pedals on the floor- the right pedal was the brake, the middle pedal reverse. The left pedal had 3 positions – down was low gear, half-way up was neutral, and all the way up was high gear. This pedal could also be controlled by a lever on the left side of the driver.

Model T Floorboard

The accelerator was a lever on the right side of the steering column. the lever on the left side was called the “spark” and adjusted the timing. The high voltage needed for the spark plugs was generated by a magneto and induction coil. The car was started with a crank. Later models had a battery and electric starter. The windshield wiper was hand-operated. The gas tank was under the driver’s seat in most models. There was no fuel pump so gas was gravity-fed to the engine. The transverse spring suspension was similar to that of a horse-drawn buggy, and like a buggy, the spokes in the wheels were made of hickory wood. 

The models manufactured between 1914 and 1925 were all painted black. This was the only paint that would dry fast enough to keep up with the rate that cars were being manufactured, which in 1926 was between 9000 and 10000 cars per day!

Along with the car came some tools – including a monkey wrench, pliers, and screw driver. Most problems that occurred on the road could be solved with these tools.

Ford Monkey Wrench

In some cities headlights were forbidden at night because they would scare the horses. Instead, lanterns were hung on the car so it could be seen. 

Model T with Lanterns (up by windshield)

The car would sometimes “backfire” while being cranked causing the crank to fly around, and often a broken thumb or broken arm would result. Special instructions were provided that showed how to hold the crank to avoid injury.(See the link at the bottom of this page)

When climbing a steep hill the Model T was often turned around to climb the hill backwards. This was done for 2 reasons: 

1. Reverse was the lowest gear. 

2. Since the fuel was gravity-fed, this was necessary on long hills in order to keep the fuel running into the engine. 

 In the ‘30s it was not unusual to see a Model T slowly backing up Sand Hill on Hartville Road in Randolph, Ohio. 

Top speed was said to be 40 mph, but due to the quick steering and unstable suspension, only a fool with a death wish would drive at that speed. 

The advantages of the automobile over the horse were obvious: 

1. The car was much faster, averaging 25 to 30 miles per hour. A horse would average about 12-15 mph. 

2. You could leave a car for weeks or months without feeding it. A horse will die without constant maintenance. 

3. Cars don’t poop. You don’t have to follow a car with a shovel to clean the road.

The horse had one advantage over the car in that it knew how to get home without assistance. The driver could go to sleep in his buggy after a night of partying and the horse would always take him back to the barn. With the advent of self-driving cars, this advantage may soon go away.

All in all, the Model-T was a marvel of efficiency and simplicity, and changed forever the way people live in the civilized world.

When I was a kid the Model T was getting somewhat rare and the Model A was taking its place as America’s favorite auto. However, I do have a few recollections of these marvelous machines. 

As a high school student I worked on a produce farm in Hartville, Ohio. The owner had an old Model T with the body replaced by a wooden platform. It was once used to haul radishes and other produce from the field to the wash house. It still ran but the steering wheel was missing. There was a square shaft sticking out of the steering column where the missing steering wheel should be. During lunch break we had a great time driving this thing around the farm steering it with a monkey wrench! Because of its skinny tires it  made tracks through the muddy fields that looked like two bicycles has passed through.

Having possession of a Model T spark coil was a dream come true for an ornery kid. With this and a 6-volt dry cell one could produce an electric shock strong enough to make a nun cuss. One of our favorite tricks was to hook this combination up to a door knob. 

Model T Spark Coil

My brother-in-law Paul was a fan of old machinery. He acquired a Model T and drove it to work. This car had the unusual characteristic of backfiring with an ear-splitting blast exactly 10 seconds after the engine was shut down. It was fun watching Paul arriving home from work and trying to get inside his house before the explosion assaulted his ear drums.

Art Fayler was a bachelor-recluse who lived in Randolph. He was a quiet man and rarely talked to anyone. He was dark and sinister-looking, and the kids in town were afraid of him. He drove the last Model T in Randolph that I remember – and drove it slowly and carefully. When he died Donnie Franks bought Mr. Fayler’s house along with the Model T which was in pristine condition. Donnie painted the car bright yellow and raced recklessly around town blowing the “oogah” horn. I often wonder whether cars have a memory and if that one wondered what had happened to cause this violent change.

Model T “Oogah” Horn

My father told me about a trip his family took in 1920. They drove 2 Model T Fords  from West Virginia to Kissimmee, Florida to visit his Uncle Emmett.

Emmett and his family were cowboys and raised Brahma cattle. Nobody had yet heard of Disney or Snow White, and Kissimmee looked more like a Texas cattle town than today’s tourist destination. The road to Florida was often single lane mud with wheel ruts. Dad told of putting horse manure in the car’s radiator to stop it from leaking. I once saw a photo of the Model Ts loaded up for  this trip. It reminded me of the Oakies heading for California in “Grapes of Wrath”. 

The Model A Ford superseded the Model T in 1927. It was more stable and had controls much like today’s stick shift car.

When I was about 7 years old my uncle Claude Lang had an old Model A Ford panel truck. There was no passenger’s seat so a pop case was substituted. When Claude gave me a ride he would  “pop the clutch”and I would fall backwards off of the pop case. He thought that was quite hilarious.
Me, not so much.

In 1942 Dad bought a Model A Ford Coupe for $90. It was quite cramped for a family of 4 during the winter because the weather was too cold to use the “rumble seat”. I rode between Mom and Dad and my sister had to ride on Mom’s lap. It was a real treat to ride in the rumble seat in warm weather. 

Model A Ford coupe with the rumble seat open

The front window of the Model A was safety glass but the rear window was plate glass. One day I was hitting a golf ball with a baseball bat. On one big swing I knocked the ball right through the plate glass rear window of our Model A coupe. Glass flew everywhere. Dad was watching and I thought for sure I was going to catch some real grief. I must have looked mighty scared because Dad started laughing and said, “Boy, you were really going for distance that time!”.

The Model A windshield was safety glass…

…but the rear window was plate glass

Model A Interior

During WWII, tanks and planes were being made instead of automobiles, and most of the cars I remember seeing on the road were Model A Fords. The war ended in 1945, and in 1946 cars were again being manufactured.

After 4 years of driving the Model A coupe, Dad sold it for $250 and bought a 1946 Chevrolet sedan.

 Starting a Model T

My First Car

After graduating from high school in May of 1951, and before attending Kent State University, I obtained a job at Keller Mines in Deerfield, Ohio (see previous post). Since Deerfield is 15 miles from my home in Randolph I needed a vehicle that I could drive to work. Uncle Leon May generously loaned me his pickup for several weeks until I had enough money to buy a car of my own.

I asked Lamar Jenior, the local Ford dealer, if he had an inexpensive car available. The next day he showed up in our driveway with a 1940 Ford sedan and offered it to me for $250. It appeared to be in good shape for an 11 year old pre-war car, so I bought it. It wasn’t much to look at and needed some tender loving care. The body was solid – no dents or rust, but it needed a paint job in order to come up to the standards of this teenage hotshot. Not only would it be driven to work, but it had to be attractive enough to be used for courting members of the opposite sex.

Fords were the fastest cars available at this time. They were driven by the Ohio State Patrol. The moonshiners also used them to run booze because they handled well and could be easily souped up to outrun the revenuers.

The most common engine in these cars was an 85 horsepower flat-head V-8. They had a hump-back shape and transverse springs just like the old Model-T’s and horse-drawn buggies. This was only the second year that a color other than black was available. Henry Ford did not believe in changing things as long as his cars were selling. “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” was his motto. 1940 was the first year Henry put hydraulic brakes on his cars. When criticized for this it was rumored that he said, “I make cars to GO, not to stop”. Fords did not change much until 1949, two years after the old tyrant’s death. 1940 was also the first year Henry allowed his cars to have the gear-shift lever on the steering column (more on this later).

My first concern was the color, which was a faded greenish-grey. I found a paint that I liked, “Empire Maroon Metallic”, which was a patented Oldsmobile color. I bought a quart of this paint and a spray gun, and proceeded to decorate my new car. I didn’t have a garage so I had to do the job in our driveway. Unfortunately, my brother had a pet crow that was fascinated by my painting, and showed his interest by repeatedly making bird tracks all over my newly painted roof. I finally became frustrated with his antics and gave him a burst of “Empire Maroon Metallic”. My brother was now the only kid in Randolph who had a maroon crow!

I now concentrated on further customizing. Kenny, my idea man, worked at the West End Garage as a mechanic. He had many ideas on how to further enhance this automobile. It had been driven many miles and the compression was low, it burned oil, and the exhaust was heavy and dark. Fortunately the engine had metal sleeve inserts in the cylinders. Kenny and I replaced these, the piston rings, and all the bearing inserts. We installed hot spark plugs, headers, dual exhaust pipes, and straight mufflers. I now had an engine that operated better than new and sounded really cool!

In the exhaust manifold were two holes that allowed hot exhaust gasses to heat up the carburetor. Kenny told me if we blocked these holes the car would run better and sound even cooler. These holes were the exact size of pennies, so we press-fitted coins into them. Now when I let up on the accelerator a series of popping sounds resulted. I don’t know how this affected the gas mileage, but that didn’t matter since the price of gasoline was 19 cents per gallon.

There was one more very important improvement that needed to be made.

It was the height of coolness for every young stud to drive around town, steering with his left hand, his right arm around a girl. This posed a problem since the gear-shift lever was on the right-hand side of the steering column, and needed to be operated by the arm that was hopefully otherwise occupied. Kenny showed me how to solve this problem. We got underneath the car, unhooked the linkage to the gear-shift lever, flopped it from the right side to the left side of the steering column, and re-attached the linkage. Now shifting could be done with the left hand without losing your grip on the girl! The only problem was that the gear positions were reversed and had to be re-learned. For example, low gear was normally down and toward the driver, now it was up and away from the driver. It was fun to ask a gas station attendant to pull the car up to the pumps (he couldn’t do it!). Of course there was an added advantage. It was very difficult for a thief to steal the car.

This ’40 Ford served me well for 3 years, at which time I up-graded to a 1951 Ford, a more modern car that was built without the limitations imposed by Uncle Henry. It also had an automatic transmission which solved the shifting problem.

1940 Ford – my first car. This picture was taken in 1952. The girl is Elaine Horning, whom I married 5 years later. She was the mother of my 5 children.

1951 Ford – Same girl, different car. This picture was taken just before I was drafted into the U.S. Army

 

Claude Lang

Claude Lang was the oldest boy in the Lang family. During the time I lived with the Langs (1935-1943) he operated Lang’s Sunoco gas station where he dispensed gas and repaired cars and small appliances.

The kids in the Lang family were all musically gifted – except for Claude. He tried playing saxophone for awhile but it didn’t work. His strength was in designing and repairing mechanical things.

Claude built some of the first radio receivers in the area. These radios had large four- pronged vacuum tubes, several coils and knobs, and were powered by 3 or more large square batteries.

Home-made radio receiver with 2 vacuum tubes

With Claude’s help and by studying some of his books, I built a crystal radio receiver. It consisted of a coil made by winding wire on an oatmeal box, a variable condenser (we now call them capacitors), and a “cat-whisker” detector. This receiver needed no power but used headphones and a long antenna wire which we strung outside in the trees. Many nights in bed when I was supposed to be sleeping I would tune in WSM Nashville and listen to old time country music on my home-made crystal set. It amazed me that music could come 500 miles through the air and get into that little tangle of wires.

Crystal receivers made with oatmeal boxes

“Cat Whisker” detector 

Claude had an old Model A Ford truck. The passenger’s seat was a wooden pop case and had no backrest. When he took me for a ride he would pop the clutch, take off quickly, and I would fall over backwards, he would then laugh heartily at my clumsiness.

Even when he was many years older I never saw him start out in a car without throwing gravel or burning rubber. He always ran or walked very rapidly wherever he went – his speech and movements were always quick. He moved as if he was constantly going to a fire. It was fitting that he helped establish the Randolph volunteer fire department and was its chief for more than 20 years. He could then get his speed fix by driving a fire truck.

Dad told me about a race car Claude built in the 20’s called “The Red Devil”. It would go over 70 mph when everybody else was going 25. I once saw a picture of it but I cannot locate it now. If I recall correctly it looked like a large stream-lined soap box derby racer.

The picture of the “Red Devil” looked similar to the top picture but it had solid wheels like the racer in the bottom picture and no spare tire.

After Lang’s gas station closed Claude concentrated on repairing lawn mowers, farm equipment, pumps, gasoline engines, electric motors and generators . He had a thriving business. His shop was a mess, littered with old motors, used parts, strange one-cylinder gasoline engines with large flywheels, and other fascinating contraptions. These things were strewn all over the floor, and a visitor to his shop walked around in there at his own peril. If you needed a part no matter how old or rare, Claude could usually come up with it. This was my favorite place to hang out as a kid. I’m sure I drove him crazy with my barrage of questions, but he always took time to answer in great detail.

At one time Claude drove an International hopper truck for Herman Miller. With this truck he would spread gravel on the back roads of Portage County. Sometimes he invited me to ride with him. On one of these rides my mother sent along a quart jar of milk. She told me that because of the constant jarring and rough ride I would have butter in the jar when we returned. I carefully stashed the jar behind the seat in the truck. To my amazement, when we returned there was a large lump of butter floating around in the milk.

One time Claude was asked to repair a leaky gas tank. He ran water through it to wash out the gasoline, then had me help hold it while he attempted to fix the leak with solder and a blowtorch. My dad saw me holding the tank and immediately panicked. He told me to stand several yards away while the repair was going on and he took my place holding the tank. Soon there was a loud bang. Both Claude and Dad were blown across the road and the tank went 20 feet into the air – both ends blown out. Dad ended up with a broken thumb.

Claude was often very funny and had a quick wit. One time when I was older we attended a family gathering and were all sitting around the dinner table passing and sharing the food. At dessert time stewed pears came around the table. I took a few and handed the dish to Claude.

“Do you want a pear?”, I asked him.

“Gotta pair”, he quickly snapped back. Loud laughter followed.

Uncle Claude taught me many valuable things about mechanics and electricity. Because of his knowledge and example he was a strong positive influence in my life. His public service lives on through his sons and grandsons, who still run a repair shop in Randolph and serve as fire fighters around the area.

Chief Claude Lang

 

My Life as a Milkman

One of the jobs I had while attending Kent State University was delivering milk for Fenn Dairy in Kent. I would start at 4 AM on a school day and work until noon, at which time I would drive over to the university and attend class. I usually didn’t have time to change clothes so I looked more like a milkman than a college student. Around that time (1951) tuition at KSU was $40 per quarter!

After awhile for various reasons I quit school and began working full time. I now had a job as “swing man” at the dairy. This involved my learning all of the routes and taking over for the regular driver when he became ill or went on vacation. It was a difficult job and quite challenging  since I had to learn the routes, the amount of each product to drop off, where to leave it, etc. It was quite rewarding monetarily since I earned 110 percent of the regular driver’s salary.

One of the wholesale routes was particularly challenging. It involved driving over 100 miles in a large refrigerated truck and delivering dairy products to super markets as well as small “mom and pop” stores. It was very physical since it involved literally carrying tons of milk into stores each day and getting back to the dairy in time to load the truck for the following day’s delivery.

I envied some of the other delivery men. I would often see two big guys assigned to a bread truck, each man carrying a loaf or two of bread or a package of cookies into a store, while little old 140 pound me was struggling with a 55 pound case of milk in each hand.

Running the retail routes was less physical since the volume was much smaller, there was less lifting, and less distance was covered.  On these routes we delivered to private homes, fraternities, sororities, railroad workers bunk houses, or factories, depending on which route was run.

The retail milk was delivered in glass bottles, the lid was pressed onto the top and held by friction. If left outside too long in the winter the milk would sometimes freeze, but the bottles wouldn’t break since the expansion of the frozen milk would just push out the cap making a tubular-shaped appendage of frozen milk sticking out the top of the bottle. It was quite a sight to see the neighborhood cats standing around these bottles having a few licks of those delicious frozen milk-sickles.

Milksickles

Some of the houses had boxes in which to place the milk. I remember one in particular that was built into the side of the house with a hinged door on the outside. It also had a door on the inside so that the owner could retrieve the milk from within the house. The only problem for me was that their little dog sometimes used this box as a bed, and every time I tried to deposit the milk, that little yapper tried to take off my arm.

I think those wild folk tales that one hears about the milkman and the housewives on his route are somewhat exaggerated. Most of the excitement I had was trying to keep ahead of the neighborhood dogs who were constantly snapping at my ass. However I do remember one time when delivering to a super market, the “vegetable girl” followed me into the milk cooler and closed the door. Unfortunately I was so pressed for time I couldn’t do much about it.

One of my biggest challenges was learning to drive a Divco. These were small “stand-up-and-drive” delivery trucks built in Detroit. Learning to drive one was a unique experience.

Divcos

Here is how it went:

There was one pedal on the floor and no seat. When the pedal was partially depressed it acted as a clutch. When pushed all the way down it was a brake. There was a T-shaped gear shift lever on the steering column. While shifting, the throttle was operated by twisting the end of the gear shift lever.

Combination clutch and brake pedal

Divco Thottle

But wait, there’s more –

If the shift lever was in the neutral position and the pedal was depressed all the way to the floor, it stayed down and acted like a parking brake. If you pushed the pedal too far down while shifting, the truck came to a sudden, screeching halt.

There’s still more!

These little beasts didn’t have synchro-mesh transmissions so they had to be double-clutched when shifting. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried to double-clutch standing up! If you missed a gear, you just had to stop and start over.

Since we had to step in and out of the truck so frequently, we normally drove with both doors open. One day I was driving my little Divco down South Water Street with a load of milk in glass bottles. I had the little devil wound up tight in second gear and was in the process of shifting to third. When I attempted to double-clutch I pushed the pedal too far, the parking brake engaged and the truck came to a sudden, violent stop – bottles flying out of both doors. Nick Stefen, the local policeman, came along and stopped both lanes of traffic while the embarrassed driver (me) cleaned up the mess.

Then there was the snow in winter. During the delivery process snow built up on the truck floor. This quickly turned to ice and the driver was constantly sliding around in it. Since the only thing to hold on to was the steering wheel, it made steering quite a challenge. Sometimes we looked like hula dancers while driving down the street sliding around on the slippery floor holding on to the steering wheel and trying to keep the truck between the ditches. One of the drivers when making a left turn, slid on the icy floor,  tripped over the drive-shaft housing, and flew out the right-hand door.

I had driven large trucks, high lifts, bulldozers and other heavy equipment while working in the strip mine but I never operated anything so tricky to learn as those little stand-up-and-drive Divcos. Once mastered however, they provided a very fast and efficient way to deliver milk.

Because I had dropped out of school I eventually lost my deferment and was drafted to serve in Korea (see previous posts).

After coming back from overseas I decided to say good bye to Fenn Dairy and return to college to pursue other adventures. Fenn Dairy closed its doors around 1965. The building was purchased by The Record Publishing Company.

Many years later Tom Gregory, a friend and former student of mine,  found this bottle in a dump outside of Kent, OH.

The Fenn Dairy building several years after closing

Todd Fenn – Owner Fenn Dairy   c. 1953

“Uncle Elmer”

One of the members of The Far East Playboys was a stand-up comic named Elmer. We called him “Uncle Elmer”, which was his stage name.

Elmer was from the back-woods of South Carolina. The way he used the English language was quite hilarious to this yankee from Ohio. When he saw the picture in a magazine of a pretty “round-eyed” American girl, he would sometimes become overwhelmed. “Look at them dad-blamed ahhs! (eyes)”, he would exclaim. I will concede that those “ahhs” were quite different from the ones we usually saw in Korea.

One morning Elmer tried to open the door of our tent and could only open it part way. He peered out the small opening and exclaimed, “My Land”, over and over.

“What’s wrong?”, I asked. Elmer responded,

“MY LAND, I BELIEVE IT DONE COME ONE!”.

It had “done come one” alright. During the night four feet of snow had fallen preventing him from opening the door. It was quite a shock for a guy from southern U.S. who had never seen that much snow before.

Snow Storms

Besides doing stand-up comedy, Elmer was also a magician and slight-of hand expert. During the day in our tent he would be constantly honing his craft – juggling cigar boxes and tennis balls, doing slight-of-hand with cards, making golf balls disappear, and trying out his tricks on us. He could hold maybe 12 lit cigarettes in one hand and they would not be noticed by the audience because he was using that hand to point at something else. He could spit out a cigarette and immediately another one would magically pop into his mouth, already lit. He could hold a lit cigarette inside his mouth under his tongue for several minutes and pop it out later without getting burned.

He would wear some outlandish hillbilly clown costume to do his comic routine, then change into a tux and white jacket to do the magic act. He was then “Mandrake The Magician”. The band members were sitting behind him during his act so they could see how he did some of his tricks. When he bent forward, I could see golf balls on springs, rubber bands, scarves, and other paraphernalia hanging out from under his jacket.

Uncle Elmer

Sometimes a heckler would interrupt Uncle Elmer while he was doing his monologue. What happened next to that poor guy was worth the price of admission. By the time Uncle Elmer had finished working him over, that guy was wishing his sorry ass was somewhere else!

First Elmer would invite the heckler to stand. Then he would start taking him apart with statements such as:

“Well HELLO JOHN!

Do you know why I call him John?

Because every time he opens his mouth HE REMINDS ME OF ONE!”

“He’s just mad because his mother wanted a boy”.

“This guy was so ugly as a kid that his mother didn’t know which end to put the diaper on”.

“When he was born the doctor spanked his mother”.

“Of the 7 million sperm that were there when his daddy made him, it’s too bad that one swam the fastest”.

“When the doctor circumcised this guy HE THREW AWAY THE WRONG PIECE”

etc, etc. Of course the crowd would be roaring with laughter.

By the time Elmer was finished, the heckler would turn bright red and sink quietly into his seat.

Most all of the girls in Korea that I saw were rather flat-chested.

“I saw a Korean girl this morning and she didn’t have nary-a-damn titty”, Elmer would say in his finest back-woods southern drawl.

There was a rumor going around, however, about this Korean girl who was extremely well-endowed. The GI’s called her “Bam Bam”.

One night we were coming home from playing a show for the guys in the 17th up on the DMZ. We were riding in the back of our duce-and-a-half as usual. For some reason the truck had to stop near a village. We stayed on the truck, and as soon as we stopped several girls from the village gathered around the tail gate. One of them was the notorious Bam Bam. She was wearing a white cashmere sweater, and she definitely lived up to the rumors I had heard about her.

When Elmer spotted Bam Bam, he said to her, “Meeda meeda one time (let me see)”. Bam Bam pulled the fuzzy white sweater up around her neck. There was a sudden rush of troops toward the tail gate. Then several hands went over the edge of the gate to “check out the goodies!” It was all over in a second or two because the truck started moving again.

Smitty, our driver

Elmer rotated back to the States several months before I did. Later we had other comedians, but none were as colorful as Uncle Elmer.

Elmer training his replacement

 

Uncle Elmer is going home!

Korea 3

Surprisingly the army food at Camp Casey in Korea was much better than at Fort Knox. American army cooks made the meals with Koreans helping and taking care of the KP.

When we were in the field our food was often C-rations. Although packed 10 years earlier for WWII many of these were surprisingly tasty. There were cans of pork-and-beans, spaghetti, hamburger patties, macaroni and cheese, candy bar, chocolate disk to make cocoa drink, along with a can of sterno canned heat that would act as a small stove. Also in each box was a P38 folding can opener, matches, a pack of 6 lucky strike cigarettes, small pack of toilet paper – all the comforts of home!

C-rations

P-38 folding can-opener

The meals served on holidays were especially good. On Thanksgiving we had the whole spread including turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. Each soldier was also given one glass of wine. I figured there were no seconds because the army didn’t want to encourage drinking among the troops. I found out the real truth later that evening.

The cooks at Camp Casey were avid country music fans, and they were also avid booze hounds! After our Thanksgiving meal they invited the band members to their tent for a private holiday party. There in the corner were cases of wine stacked up to the roof. The cooks had “liberated” this from the holiday meal for themselves and their friends! That’s why there were no seconds.

It was a challenge to communicate with the natives since most of them didn’t speak English and we didn’t speak Korean. Many Koreans, however, spoke Japanese since the Japanese had previously occupied Korea. To enable communication a form of pidgin-english evolved that was a mixture of English, Japanese, and Korean.

Here is a very abridged version of the pidgin-english dictionary used by the GIs in Korea:

Moose (from Japanese musume ) – girl or girl friend.

Mamma-san – Older lady or madam in prostitution house.

Cherry girl – Young girl or virgin.

Sucahachie – Literally a Japanese flute ( Use your imagination to figure out what it meant in pidgin).

Number 1 (from ichiban) – very good.

Number 10 -Very bad.

Hoochie – house, tent, residence.

Sayanara – Goodbye, kill, take out garbage, throw away, etc.

Slicky boy – pick pocket.

Short time – “Quickie” with a girl.

Skoshi – small, little.

Takusan – big, large.

Takusan stinko – drunk.

Ediwa – Come here.

Ediwa shoes – White rubber moccasins worn by most Koreans.

Meeda meeda one time – Let me see, look at this.

Cutta-chogie – Get-the-hell-out.

Hava-yes, Hava-eeso – I have some.

Hava-no, Hava-uupso – I don’t have any.

Yak juice – Cheap Korean Liquor (It was like drinking razor blades!)

Our house boy, Kim, liked me and wanted to tell me that I was number 1” (good). The Koreans had trouble saying an “R” or an “F” ,so they had real trouble pronouncing a name like “Roliff”. They would substitute “N” for “R” and ”P” for “F”, so my name would come out “Nolipp”. In order to express his approval of me Kim would say,

“Nolipp, you number PUCKING ONE!”.

One day a dog wandered into our tent. Kim chased him out with a broom yelling ,

“CUTTA EESEEKIAH” .

I asked him what that meant. He said,

“It mean GET-OUT-OF-HERE-SON-OF-A BITCHEE”.

For Christmas someone sent me a baby stocking to hang as a holiday decoration. The houseboy saw this one stocking hanging and he asked me,

Other one hava-no?

He couldn’t understand why I had only one stocking.

Kim, our houseboy

Cigarettes and soap were a rarity to the natives and were therefore quite valuable as a form of barter. The houseboys often gave us money to buy these items for them from the PX which they could then trade in the Korean market.

When we went to Japan the houseboys would ask us to bring back Ajinomoto. It came in a red tin box. I didn’t know until years later that it was mono-sodium glutamate (MSG) and was valued by Koreans as a food preservative and flavor enhancer.

Other items of value were GI wool blankets. Almost all mamma-sans wore pants made from these.

Mama-san wearing GI blanket pants and “ediwa shoes”

Often in the Korean markets we would see bottles of expensive whiskey such as Seagram’s VO. Even though these had all the proper tax stamps, labels, and perfectly intact seals, it was not a wise purchase. They always contained “yak juice”. I never figured out how they refilled those bottles without breaking the seals.

Korean Market

Officially we were not permitted to go to the villages or mingle with the natives, but the rule was not strongly enforced. I know of several beds in our tent that had hardly ever been slept in because the occupant had a “moose” in the village.

“Doris Day”

“Jane Fonda”

We were not allowed to have U.S. dollars in Korea. The only U.S. coins we had were pennies. Instead we were issued Military Payment Certificates (MPC). Every few months the Army would give us notice that as of tomorrow all MPC previously issued would have no value and to exchange old MPC for new immediately. It had something to do with the Korean black market. I only know that it did a real number on Koreans that did business with GIs, because when this happened we would see mamma-sans crying at our gate with large rolls of valueless obsolete bills begging some GI to exchange it.

MPC – nickels and dimes – The largest bill I saw was $100. Unfortunately it wasn’t mine

The Far East Playboys never had more than 8 members, so we shared our tent with another group, The Jazz Combo. Many of these guys were extremely talented, had played and sang for big name bands in the States, and had much knowledge of music theory which they willingly shared. I enjoyed hearing their stories and picking their brains.

Our tent mates from The Jazz Band

Benny Grant from The Jazz Band

Our band also had stars from the past. One in particular I know of was Faron Young, who had several country hits in the early 50’s and also starred in some western movies.

Faron Young was once a member of The Far East Playboys

This was 1955 and we were pretty much cut off from what was going on in the States when it came to the latest fads and styles. We had never heard of Elvis, so when guys would come in fresh from the States and try out for the band shivering and swiveling a-la Elvis, we thought they were having some kind of a spasm. It took us awhile to get used to this kind of music.

During this time a country singer named Webb Pierce became popular. His steel player, Bud Issacs, had a very unique sound. No matter what I tried I could not re-produce it. I tried using bar-slants, tuned the guitar backwards, and everything I could think of but I just couldn’t get the same effect.

One day a show that included an Air Force country band from the Philippines performed for our outfit. The steel player was producing the sound that had me mystified. After the show I went up and inspected his guitar. I immediately saw what was going on. He was using a pedal to change the tuning on the fly by stretching the strings! This was the first “pedal steel” I had ever seen. Later with the help of my buddy Jim and some scrap metal and commo wire, we installed two pedals on my guitar. Now I could sound like the modern country players.

Teisco 8-string lap steel which I purchased in Tokyo for $26. I put it on a stand, modified the pickups, and added 2 pedals.

I left Korea for the States on New-Years day, 1957. My buddy Glenn, a guitar player and vocalist with our band, came with me. We walked up the gang plank carrying our duffel bags along with our guitars. Soon after boarding the ship I heard this on the ship’s speakers:

“WOULD THOSE TWO SOLDIERS WHO BOARDED THE SHIP CARRYING GUITARS REPORT TO THE ORDERLY ROOM IMMEDIATELY”.

Now what, I thought, assuming we were in for some kind of punishment. Instead, they wanted us to entertain the officers wives who were being sent home from Japan! The way Glenn and I lived on the trip home was completely different from the way we did on the way over. We were treated as celebrities, and spent our days in the officers quarters eating real food from real plates and white table cloths surrounded by beautiful women. We played music for the ladies on afternoons and evenings. One evening we played a two-man show for the whole ship with a Navy crew member as the MC. The next day they re-played the recorded show on the ship’s PA. The only time we were in the hold with the troops was to sleep in our hammocks.

As of 2017 Camp Casey is still active and occupied by U.S. soldiers. The troops no longer live in tents, but in modern buildings with TVs and high speed internet in each soldier’s room.

Camp Casey 2017

The city of Seoul has changed also, as shown by the following pictures:

Downtown Seoul c.1955

Downtown Seoul c.2017

Thirty years after I served in Camp Casey, my son Neil was also stationed there. It is possible that I could have a grandchild stationed there also. It is interesting to note that after more than 3 generations, troops of the American Army still occupy South Korea.

More Pictures HERE

Korea2

I finally made it to 7th division Special Services where the musical groups were located. This was in “Camp Casey” close to the Korean village of TungDuChon, about 40 miles north of Seoul. Within this compound were several different services of the 7th division, including headquarters, 7th med(a MASH company), 32nd Infantry, 7th REPL-depot, 7th division band, Red Cross, and other support groups. I was assigned to a small all-soldier combo called “The Far East Playboys”, a name borrowed from “The Texas Playboys” which was a popular western swing band at the time.

We lived in a tent that had a wood platform floor and could hold 20 people.

My new home in Camp Casey

Inside our tent were double-deck bunks and two pot-bellied heaters that ran on fuel oil. These heaters each had a stovepipe that ran through the tent roof and a heat control with numbers 1-10. We could lift the knob and turn it up past the inscribed numbers to about a 12 or 13 – we called this “Chinese overdrive”. On Chinese overdrive the stove and 3 or 4 feet of the stovepipe would turn completely red. Although risky, we did that when the outside temperature went below -15°.

Inside our tent showing the liner and fuel oil heater

The tent was normally quite comfortable. Occasionally at night when everyone was asleep and the weather was cold, the wind caused the heater to be disconnected from the stovepipe. The tent would then fill with smoke and the soot would hang in festoons from the inside of the roof. You could tell at reveille which tent had this problem because the occupants  would emerge completely black, except for their eyeballs.

We had a Korean in the camp that painted signs and did some minor art work. In exchange for painting a picture for our tent door we gave him an old table radio that didn’t work.

Our new door

The painting was much more appealing at first, then some Red Cross girl who visited the camp got a “case of the asses” and convinced our commanding officer that our girl should be wearing  clothes. I guess the RC girl just couldn’t stand up to the competition! So we returned the painting to the artist who added clothes (almost).

Helicopter landing at 7th Div HQ

This place was somewhat more civilized than the 49th field artillery where I was previously stationed. We had Korean “houseboys” who did our laundry and other chores. There were even Red Cross girls and service club girls from the States with ROUND EYES!

Kim, our houseboy

Houseboys doing laundry

No matter what job a person had he was expected to go on field maneuvers one week per month. In the field I was no longer an artillery fire-direction man, no longer a musician, but an infantry soldier. That was OK with me as long as we were not fighting and I could play music the other 3 weeks.

It turned out that the band had been depleted by members who had served their time and rotated back to the States. Upon my arrival it had no vocalist and only 3 members: Curley, a bass and accordion player, Peewee, a fiddle player, and Elmer, a comedian-magician. They had ceased putting on shows due to lack of members. When I arrived we started doing service club gigs with me as a singer – guitar player.

I finally found a 6-string lap steel at a service club. It didn’t have any strings but I scrounged some from another service club along with an amp. I then concentrated on playing the steel, and used every available hour  working on that instrument.

Would you buy a used car from this guy?

We put on 4 or 5 shows per week traveling to the different units. After a week or so we would take a day to work up a new show and then make the rounds again.

We traveled to the different Army posts riding in the back of a duce-and-a-half truck that was open in the back. I would always carry my amp on my lap to prevent the glass vacuum tubes from shattering due to the rough roads. The trips were up to 50 miles each way and the roads were not paved, so we usually arrived at our destination looking like dust-bunnies. We often returned to our camp after 3AM.

On this road at night I would sit with my feet over the tailgate ready to jump!

We were constantly checking the new arrivals for musicians. After a month or so of searching for talent we finally put a good band together. We were provided with colorful outfits to wear on stage. The Army also hired a civilian producer from the states to work with us. He didn’t know much about music but he was a theater type and knew how to make us into a first class show band.

Far East Playboys

We sometimes traveled to Japan. We rode in one of these.

C-124 Globemaster

One disadvantage of being at Camp Casey was that there were many new gung-ho officers walking around with nothing to do but harass the underlings. Consequently the Army “chicken$h]+” was worse than it had been at 49th Field Artillery. Many of these guys thought that since we were entertainers we were a bunch of goofoffs trying to get out of work, so they harassed us when they had a chance. Here is an example – even though we often got to bed later than 4AM after putting on a show at some distant outfit, some of these officers had us falling out at 6AM to stand reveille. We could then go back and try to get some sleep except that many times some hard-ass captain or major would come barreling through the tent, get us up and ask why the hell our lazy asses were still in the sack. Our immediate superiors would eventually get this straightened out, only to have a change in personnel cause this process to repeat itself.

In spite of this, It was much better to be stationed here than in most other places in Korea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Korea

In the ’50s planes didn’t fly across the pacific nonstop so soldiers  were transported to Korea on troop ships, a trip of about 22 days. The ship to which I was assigned carried about 600 troops.

The troop ship USS Howze

We were each assigned a hammock in the hold of the ship. These hammocks were suspended by chains, stacked three or four on top of each other and grouped in pairs side by side. It was quite dark and stuffy down there. At the end of 22 days the place smelled like someone had opened up a skunk works.

Hammocks aboard USS Howze

We sailed out into Puget Sound in the evening to a beautiful sunset and water as smooth as glass. That ship seemed so large that I didn’t believe it could be pitched about by the waves. This is going to be a breeze I thought, and crawled into my hammock and promptly went to sleep.

About 4AM I was awakened by creaking and shuddering along with a strange sensation of becoming very heavy, then very light. I was in a bottom hammock and as I looked out over the edge it appeared to be raining, and I heard sounds of retching and gagging. Turns out that the boys above me were getting sea sick. I immediately bailed out of there and headed for the deck and fresh air. There were many boys up on deck bending over the rail. I was OK until I went to the head (toilet) where several guys knelt in front of the johns with their heads in the holes. That did it for me, and I unwillingly joined them!

The mess hall was cafeteria style with a long chest-high stainless steel table with a raised edge and no chairs. Each person was expected to hook his thumb onto the table and his food tray, hang on for dear life with one hand and eat with the other. There were stainless steel pitchers of something resembling coffee on this table, and due to the pitching of the ship these went sliding past us at irregular intervals. Anyone wanting coffee would try to catch one as it flew by.

This scene was usually too much for me so I would slap some meat between two slices of bread, grab an apple, and head for the deck.

Going up a stairwell was a strange experience. Sometimes it was an all-out effort to climb up one step, then I would just float up the remainder with little or no effort.

I remember one incident when I was in a darkened room below decks watching a movie with some other troops. The strange thing was that it seemed to be a normal dark room, except there was the sensation of becoming alternately very heavy and very light. Suddenly the ship hit a rough spot and the projector fell over, causing the picture on the screen to rotate 90 degrees to the right. This caused the sensation that the ship was upsetting and over half the boys immediately fell off of their chairs.

After a few days most everyone obtained their sea-legs and felt OK. However there were a few poor souls that remained sick for the whole 22 days.

Inchon is a shallow water port and a large troop ship cannot get close to the shore, so we landed on the beach in small landing craft similar to the ones used in the invasion of Normandy. We disembarked from these and were loaded into the backs of duce-and-a-half trucks for our trip to the 7th division replacement depot (REPL-depot) in Camp Casey, a drive of about 2 hours.

Landing craft in Inchon Harbor  c:1955

What I saw during those next two hours ( and the next 16 months) came as a real shock – It was like being on a different planet. The poverty and hardships suffered by the Korean people were something that I had never experienced or even suspected. To see 5-year old kids starving, homeless and begging for food was not the normal thing I observed in Ohio.

Children begging outside of Inchon

Korean village c:1955

Korean farmer carrying load of straw

Mother & child (note pants made from GI blanket)

I thought I was pretty tough but nothing had prepared me for this. Many people had limbs missing. Shelters were made from whatever was available – cardboard boxes, old canvas, metal from old tin cans, etc. I saw one residence made entirely of beer cans. Later I saw people doing things to stay alive that they would not ordinarily do, including begging, stealing, and prostitution. The kids became extremely creative in their pick-pocketing abilities. We called them “slicky boys”. Because of press censorship this kind of thing was never talked about on the news at home or shown on TV.

When we arrived at the REPL-depot, we were each interviewed so we could be placed in a position the Army deemed useful. I heard that 7th Division Special Services was looking for musicians to travel around the Far East and entertain troops. I told the interviewers that I had played in a polka band and had done some things with a Hawaiian lap steel guitar, so they sent me and some other musicians to a special tent for an audition. The corporal in charge told me that they needed a steel player for a country band. I told him that I was his man – the problem was that there was no steel guitar on which I could audition, so the piano players and others were auditioned and I was left standing around in frustration. I picked up a bass and played along with some of the other tryouts. Then I picked up an accordion and played a polka, then picked up a guitar and sang a country song. I noticed the corporal was paying more attention to me than to the other candidates. He said that I didn’t mention to him that I could sing and play those instruments, so he was convinced that I could play a steel guitar even without a tryout, and if not I could be used on some other instrument. He then told me to go back to the REPL-depot and meanwhile they would cut some orders and send for me very soon. I was thrilled at the thought of playing music instead of agitating gravel!

The next thing I knew I was in the 49th Field Artillery right up on the DMZ – not exactly what I had expected. Some North Korean soldiers were visible in the distance, but a truce had been declared 2 years earlier  and we were not shooting at each other. Probably the scariest thing we did up there was standing guard duty at night. Since we were not being shot at, other things we did were tolerable. Most of the time we were at the mercy of the elements. The weather was about like it is here in northern Ohio, except the rain and snow were more intense. The Army bull crap was not nearly as bad up there as it had been at Ft. Knox, and believe it or not, the food was much better.

Often we pulled back from the DMZ to practice fire missions with the 105 howitzers. This was actually fun since I didn’t have to dig holes for old Captain Baddass.

155 Howitzer in permanent mount aimed at North Korea C:1955

FDC bunker 49th field artillery

Going for a practice fire mission

105 Howitzer under camouflage net on a frosty morning

 

Glen takes a chow break during field maneuvers

Each week I would check with the sergeant in the orderly tent to see if there were any orders for me from Special Services. This went on for several weeks. I guess the sergeant became tired of my pestering and called Special Services.  He told them there was a soldier here that says he was supposed to be in their country band. They replied that they had lost track of him, the Army couldn’t find him, and please send this guy back to 7th division headquarters.

When I heard this I almost started believing in God again!

Drafted

After spending a summer working in the strip mine I entered Kent State University but I had no idea what I wanted as a career. I started a pre-med course but had no desire to become a doctor. After 2 years of classes I still didn’t know. This lack of direction made it difficult for me to study and my grades began to suffer. To add to the problem, I was working almost full time at Fenn Dairy . I bought a 1940 Ford so I could commute to Kent, and my parents furnished meals and allowed me to stay at home. I would get up at 3AM and work until around noon, then go to class, many times not having time to change clothes. Then my father became ill and did a stint in the hospital, so I decided to drop out of school.

About 3 months later I received this envelope in the mail:

Which contained this letter:

As you can see it was from my “neighbors” at the Portage County Draft Board telling me that I had been drafted to serve in the military, and to show up at the bus station in Ravenna where a bus would take me and others to Cleveland for a physical exam and intelligence tests.

When we arrived in Cleveland at the Federal Building, a sergeant herded us into a room with high ceilings and long marble benches and told us to strip.

So there we stood between the marble benches, shivering, scared, naked as bird’s butts, and wondering what was going to happen next. The sergeant then shouted,

“ Readyyyy, SIT”. Everyone “SAT”.

When those bare bottoms hit the marble benches in unison it sounded like a round of applause echoing through the room. The doctor came in, inspected us for lice, looked in our ears and other “hard to reach places”, gave us the “cough test” (turn your head and cough), etc.

I don’t remember much about the written test except that it was slanted toward those who didn’t read at a very high level. For example, it showed a drawing of a wrench, then  showed drawings of wrenches oriented in different directions and asked which drawing depicted the original wrench.  At that time the average level of education of a draftee was 6th grade.

I must have passed everything because soon I was on a train headed for Ft. Knox, KY.

Basic training was somewhat traumatic – especially for those boys who were out of shape. I was used to going without sleep, and I didn’t have trouble with the physical part since I had been running in and out of stores carrying 55 pound cases of milk every day for Fenn dairy. The harder part was putting up with the cadre trying to destroy our identity by shouting in our faces, insulting us, and generally trying to make us feel worthless. They made it especially tough on those who didn’t conform.

Infantry squad, basic training at Ft. Knox, KY (author on right)   c. 1955

 

Shoes had to be spit-shined and lined up. All foot locker lay-outs had to be exactly alike including a pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes in the upper left hand corner. I didn’t smoke but I still had to buy cigarettes to display in the foot locker.

There were several training sessions on taking apart and cleaning  the M1 rifle. We broke it down into small pieces, each part was cleaned and oiled, then it was all put  back together and handed in for inspection. It didn’t matter how spotless the rifle, it never passed the first inspection. There would always be a “boulder” in the barrel (speck of dust) or a “huge rope” (small piece of fuzz)  somewhere in the works.  We then had to take it all apart again, clean, oil, re-assemble, etc. We finally learned to wait until midnight to hand in the rifle, because it would always pass inspection at that time since the inspectors wanted to quit and go to bed.

Author with M1 Garand rifle      c. 1955

I remember one boy in particular who had a rough time conforming. For punishment the sergeant made him run around the barracks flapping his arms and shouting “I’m a big shit bird”. The sergeant was right behind him yelling, “louder, louder” in his ear. I felt sorry for the kid but it was such a funny spectacle I couldn’t keep from laughing.

Although I didn’t particularly like the soldiering stuff I could do it well enough to stay out of trouble. At the end of our 6th week I was awarded a weekend pass to go into Louisville. It was the weekend of the Kentucky Derby horse race and I had bought tickets. That morning on a whim the sergeant pulled my pass because he found a guitar under my bed, so I missed the race. I will never forgive him for that. This is the kind of “chicken $h!+” that causes “friendly fire” incidents.

For my advanced training I was schooled in fire direction for a field artillery unit. This involved geometry, slide rules and map-reading and I found it to be quite interesting. We would use information from a forward observer to locate the position of the target on a map, translate this into numbers the guns could use, and then pass these data to the gun batteries. This was actually fun!

But it was still the army, and we had a captain in charge of our unit who thought he was either Napoleon, Caesar, or Attila the Hun.

Our job at the time was to put on a combat demonstration for important officers. They would sit in bleachers and observe military maneuvers being carried out in a large field. First planes would come in and drop napalm. Then the artillery (us) would shoot the place up, then the tanks came in, then the infantry, etc.

Combat demonstrations at Ft. Knox, KY.   c.1955

One day I was working fire direction out of the back of a truck for one of these shows. I had the misfortune of looking up from my table and out the back of the truck for a moment. “Captain Badass” saw me and decided I was not concentrating, and that I needed an attitude adjustment. He told me to get down from the truck and start digging a hole. After I had been digging for a couple hours Captain Badass told me to fill the hole back up, then he decided that my mind was properly cleansed so he put me back in charge of directing fire.

That was a big mistake. On the next shot I moved the map pin to a point that caused the shells to land in front of the bleachers where the officers were sitting. It was still within the safety area but it deviated quite a bit from the point of attack, and that made the captain look very incompetent to the observing dignitaries.

I heard later that when the shells exploded some of the officers dived underneath the bleachers. The captain didn’t say a word to me about the incident, but the following week I was headed for Korea.