These codgers had speech patterns that are best illustrated by using audio. To hear the audio, click on the arrow. I have included the text for each audio at the bottom of the page keyed to the number in parentheses.
Mr. Jim
Mr Jim was a nervous old fellow and talked very fast with a lisp. His speech pattern reminded me of the politician Barney Frank. Jim was the only person I remember who could drink a glass of beer without swallowing. He would hold the glass and put it partially in his mouth, tilt his head back quickly, and dump it in. There was no movement in the throat area that indicated any kind of swallowing. He just inhaled it – and did it often. I guess he didn’t want to take the time or effort to swallow, just needed to get it into his system in the least amount of time.
Mr. Jim worked with my dad at the Ravenna Arsenal and they often rode together. Dad said that when they passed a bar Mr. Jim would say:
(1)
With that he would pull over and have a “coupla beerth”.
He must have done this also when driving with his wife because many times when passing the local pub his car could be seen in the parking lot with his wife sitting in it. In those days bars were not proper places for respectable wives so it was not unusual to see women in cars waiting for husbands to calm their nerves with a couple of beers.
During WWII one of the functions of the Ravenna Arsenal was to assemble and store artillery shells. These shells were stored in concrete bunkers called igloos. On one occasion one of these igloos exploded causing large concrete chunks to fly into the air (See newspaper clipping at the bottom of this page).
Dad was standing beside Mr. Jim when a piece of concrete as big as an automobile landed right beside them. Mr. Jim took one look at that big chunk of cement and exclaimed:
(2)
And it was. Mr. Jim quit the next day.
Besides her other talents, my mother was a notary public and also ran the driver’s license bureau out of the post office, similar to what the Bureau of Motor Vehicles does today. It wasn’t unusual for someone to come to our house at night to ask for these services.
One cold and snowy evening Mr. Jim and his wife showed up at the door wanting to apply for a license renewal. Even though it was our supper time Mom wouldn’t refuse. During the process she asked for Jim’s old license. He started frantically fumbling through his pockets. Not finding the document his asked his wife for help.
(3)
“I dont know”, said Leona”. “Maybe you left it in your other pants”.
(4)
Replied Mr. Jim.
After all, it was wintertime!
One evening Mr. Jim and his friend Mr. Jerome got into an argument as to who could drink the most beer in the shortest amount of time. They decided to have a contest to decide the issue. Here is how the dialog went:
(5)
I never heard who won or if they even had the contest. I only know that if they really had a contest, the way those two old Germans could drink beer the breweries would be putting in overtime.
Mr. Ralph
Mr. Ralph was a tractor mechanic – and a good one. He spoke in a low monotone with a strong German accent. When he pronounced his name “Ralph” it would come out
(6)
He liked to drink beer, schnapps, and tell jokes. I remember one joke in particular. It went something like this:
A priest was driving along in his new shiny Cadillac when he spotted a girl standing along side the road hitch-hiking. She was wearing very short shorts and a spandex top. The priest stopped to pick her up. She got into the car and immediately lit up a cigarette.
The priest looked at her and said in a scolding tone: (Ralph’s voice)
(7)
And to this the girl replied:
(8)
Touche!
Mr. Ralph’s real talent came forth at Sunday Mass after he had a breakfast of schnapps chased down with beer. Fr. Bertram’s sermons were very long and full of shouting and scolding. After about an hour of this Ralph would become rather impatient. If you were sitting within a few feet of him you would hear the following over and over:
(9)
Every so often he would partially stand and act as if he were walking out – but he never did.
All of our asses were getting tired but Ralph was the only one to express his feelings, even if it was in a voice so low that only God, the angels, and a few people sitting around him could hear.
(1) {“Dutch, I jutht gotta haf a coupla beerth My nervth are all shot . Gotta thtop and haf a coupla beerth. Gotta calm down my nervth”}
(2) {“By Godt, thith ith my latht day” .}
(3) {“Leona, I can’t find my lithenth. Do you know where my old lithenth ith? I can’t find my lithenth”}
(4) {“It couldn’t be in my other panth. I have ‘em both on” }
(5) {Jim: What kind of beer should we uthe ? Jerome : The stronger the better .
Jim: “where do you want to have thith contetht ?Jerome: Anwhere you like.
Jim: Do you want to drink it by the cathe or by the keg ?Jerome: Either way.}
(6) {“waaalvve”}
(7) {“If the Blessed Virgin Mary was on this earth she wouldn’t be standing along side the road in shorts hitch-hiking and smoking cigarettes”.}
(8) {“And if Jesus Christ was on earth he wouldn’t be driving around in a new Cadillac picking up girls.”}
(9) {“Let’s go! Let’s go! Jesus Christ I’m getting bedsores.Let’s go. Christ my ass is getting tired!. Let’s go!”. }
